Oh My God, What Happened?
by Brony Boy
Summary: I am suddenly sent to the land of Equestria as a... PONY? What happened? The last thing I remember is Nightmare Moon appearing on my computer screen. Read as I try to fulfill the new prophecy and help my new friends with their problems. Rated T for the occasional cursing.
1. Chapter 1

**OMG, What Happened?**

**Note: This is my first My Little Pony fanfic (I have another account that I don't plan on using any more). I hope it grows on you, because I tend to obsess with this story when possible.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own My Little Pony, only my OC and my occasionally original plot.**

_Italicized = thought _

"Ugh, what happened?" I asked myself. I rubbed the top of my head with my hoof in order to take away the pain. Wait, hoof? "What the?" I finally opened my eyes only to find a familiar pink horse in front of my face.

"Hi, how are you? You're new to here aren't you? Why are you on the ground? What are you doing in Ponyville? Can you answer any of my questions? I like your facial markings. My name is…"

I started to get annoyed at her. I know who she is and figured I was imagining things; I mean with a talking pony that you see on TV. Either that or I've officially gone insane.

"Shut up Pinky Pie. I don't know why I'm here or why I'm imagining you here and what do you mean by Ponyville?" I growled.

I got up and looked around only to see a familiar scene. A town square filled with hundreds of ponies, Pegasi, and unicorns. There was one I immediately recognized at the apple stand.

"Okay, now this is weird. Right over there is Applejack." I looked up and saw Rainbow Dash clearing the sky at a super speed. Suddenly the weirdest thought of all popped into my mind. I looked down at myself to see hooves, the edge of a yellow and red mane, and red hair with a zipper yellow pattern. I looked a little higher to see some strong, muscular red and yellow wings. "Holy shit, I'm a pony! How did this happen?"

_**Flashback**_

There I was on the internet, doing what else being a brony but looking up the newest episode. I had black hair and blue eyes. I was wearing my favorite red shirt and shorts combo with my lucky yellow shark tooth necklace as well as my favorite skull necklace.

"Man Pinky Pie is hilariously random!" I cried.

"What was that Tommy?" my brother calls from the next room.

"Nothing, I was just talking to myself."

"Oh, okay. I thought you were looking up more pony stuff. You are so embarrassing when it comes to that shit."

This ticked me off, no one diesis my ponies. I walked over to his room and banged on the door. He opened it and asked, "What do you…" BANG!

I didn't let him finish his question. I quickly pulled my fist back and punched him straight in the face.

"No one diesis Pinky Pie and the gang."

I went back to my room and went back to my show. I silently told myself how cool it would be to meet these things just once. At that I hit myself, too far little brony, too far.

I was enjoying my free time on the computer when at the end of the episode a dark horse figure appears on the screen.

"Ah, so you are the biggest fan of this show. Well then, you will make an excellent tool for me to take over the land of Equestria," said the figure on the screen.

"Nightmare moon, how did you end up on my screen? Now how do I take you off screen?"

A purple mist comes out of my computer and surrounds me.

"Okay, now this is freaky. When did I get this feature?"

Everything went dark from there and I felt a sharp pain in my head.

_**End of Flashback**_

"Okay, how did I see that? I thought you didn't really see flashbacks in cartoons; I guess I thought wrong," I stated.

Pinky Pie was busy jumping around and being random, as always. "I can't believe it; two new horses come to Ponyville in one day!"

I look at her because there was only one time that a pony came to Ponyville and stayed. "Two, who's the second horse," I asked.

"Oh, this purple unicorn that went by Twilight Sparkle. She had a purple and green dragon named Spike," Pinky replied.

_I was right; I somehow ended up as a stallion in the first episode. Calm down Tommy, you just need to confront the person responsible for this, Midnight Moon. Better yet, I could ask her older sister, Princess Celestia, for help._

"Pinky, do you know how I could meet Princess Celestia?" I ask.

"Uh, duh, anyone can see her tonight during the Summer Sun Celebration. It's going to take place here in Ponyville for the very first time," she replied.

_Yep, definitely the first episode._

"Where can I see Twilight Sparkle?"

"Just come to my welcome party tonight to celebrate her coming. We can make it a party for both of you!"

Suddenly her tail started twitching.

"Oh no, duck!" I cried and quickly hid underneath Applejack's stand.

Applejack looked underneath confused at what was happening. "Howdy there little doggy, what are ya doin' underneath my cart?"

"Pinky's tail twitched." This part really got her attention.

"It twitched!" she cried and hid underneath the cart with me. "Speakin' of which, how do you know about Pinky's predictions?"

I had to think of an answer carefully, I couldn't say I saw the episode. "Um, Pinky's predictions are famous where I come from."

Pinky suddenly popped out of nowhere and asked, "Where did you come from?"

"I come from Ohio."

"Where is that?"

_Dammit, did not think that through. _"Um, it's not here in Equestia, it's in a land far away where dragons actually come from."

Suddenly a hard crash comes from above the cart and Pinky's tail stopped twitching.

Applejack noticed this too and quickly calmed down. "Looks like that's what was supposed to fall."We all crawl out from underneath of the cart to see Rainbow Dash on top eating some of the apples. "Rainbow Dash, what are ya doin' eatin' my apples?"

Rainbow Dash looked up from her buffet to see her friend there. "Oh, hey Applejack. Sorry, I suddenly had a strange urge to just fall down here."

I felt like a complete genius; I usually didn't get great grades but in this world I knew everything. "It was because of Pinky's twitch. She predicted that something would fall out of the sky and it looks like it's you."

"And who are you?" Rainbow Dash asked.

I felt embarrassed now; I need to work on manners. "Sorry, my name is Tommy, Tommy Smith."

"Okay, nice to meet you. Do you want to see a prank?"

"Sure, go on a head prank master."

"Prank master, I like it. That is one of my new nicknames," she said. "Anyway, hey Applejack; can you make a name twist like me?"

"What now?" Applejack replied.

"You know; I'm Rainbow Dash and now I'm dashing off. What about you?"

"Oh, okay. My name is Applejack and now I'm jackin'… Oh you bitch."

This made me crack up. Never before did I expect these girls to cuss let alone make jokes like that.

"Oh my god, nice one Rainbow Dash," I said after I finally finished laughing.

"Why thank you Tommy."

I then looked down at myself and noticed how I didn't have any real clothes on. I know that most ponies in this show didn't wear clothes unless it was a special event, but I felt too awkward.

"Hey, girls, where can I find some clothes to wear?"

"Oh that's easy; you have to go to Rarity's fashion store. She makes dresses, and shirts, and capes, and belts, and shoes, and glasses, and all other kinds of clothes," Pinky chose to answer in the longest way possible.

We walked all the way to Rarity's place where she was happy to hook me up with some duds. I quickly got hold of a necklace with a black rope to keep it together and white skull. I then went to the shoes where I got two pairs, a pair with black as its base color with white stripes and one that was the opposite (if you need more detail then look at my profile). Shoes and a necklace didn't feel like enough, I quickly pulled on a black and white tuxedo-like shirt and a stylish black belt with white gems.

Now I was styling, but Rarity thought I needed even more oomph. What to do, what to do? Then it hit me, or really Pinky Pie wearing them hit me. Some black shades, now I was ready to hit the pony clubs.

I came out of dressing and saw as all the mares' jaws dropped. I laughed a little and figured I would create a catch phrase, but what. I decided to get my catch phrase from a musical group in my world.

"I'm sexy and I know it," I said strait to their faces.

"Yeah you are… I mean, whatever," Rainbow Dash replied with a blush.

Pinky just started jumping up and down laughing at my new phrase. "Oh, I love LMFFO thanks for quoting them," she cried.

"LMFFO?" I asked confused.

My confusion seemed to confuse the other girls, "Um, the group LMFFO. You know, Laugh My Fucking Flank Off," Rarity replied.

I decided to play it safe, though I found it funny how in this world they had their own phrase that meant the same thing in my world. "Oh, right, I forgot who say that song." I looked into the mirror and saw something that embarrassed me all to pieces. "Oh my god, I don't have a cutie mark!"

"What's so wrong with that?" asked Pinky Pie.

"Oh, I don't know; maybe the fact that I'm probably the oldest horse ever to not get a freaking marks!"

Applejack seemed to feel sympathy for me and tried to make me feel better. "Don't feel bad now handsome, I mean Tommy. I was the last one in my class to get a cutie mark. I'm sure it'll come in."

After a little more comfort from each girl, we decided to go our separate ways. Pinky went to her bakery to make desserts for her party, Rarity stayed to make herself a dress, Applejack went to grab some apples to make food for the party, and Rainbow Dash went back to work on clearing the sky for tonight.

I, myself, decided I would go for a walk in the woods.

"Ugh, what do I do now? Without Pinky Pie's randomness or any of the other girls, it's just boring out here." Suddenly I remembered where I was. "Wait; where there are animals there's always Fluttershy."

I did my best to remember where exactly Fluttershy was, when I remembered that she follows Twilight to the library. I cursed at myself for not remembering that and decided to stretch out my new wings and tried to fly. Luckily it turns out that I'm a natural and quickly flew back to the library to find all the girls with the rest of the town.

Pinky Pie quickly spotted me and brought me to the middle of the room. "Everyone, this is Tommy Smith. He's new to town just like the other girl that is going to live in here."

I felt weird being the center of attention; I've never been very social except with people I really knew so all these other horses kind of made me as nervous as Fluttershy.

Good thing for me that I didn't need to say anything because I hear Rainbow Dash calling, "She's coming, she's coming," which probably meant that Twilight was about to come in so I turned off the lights.

I knew I had to talk to her, she was the only one that knew that Nightmare Moon was coming back and I needed to talk to her about what happened to me. Maybe if I can get her to believe then maybe I can get back to my world. _I have to admit that I'm going to miss these girls. This is not where I belong though. I need to confront Nightmare Moon and get the fuck out of here._

Twilight came in and I decided to wait until she finished her sentence before turning off the lights. I cracked me up seeing her reaction to all these strange people in her house.

As soon as she went up to her bed in annoyance I decided I would talk to her and tell her about my situation. "I hope she'll believe me."

I trotted up the stairs and saw Spike partying with Rarity (little player) somehow I felt sad for him for having a crush on her and she was always using him for labor. I finally made it to her room and I knocked.

"Come on in," I heard from the inside.

I thought to myself _'That doesn't sound like in the show, I thought she was annoyed.' I went in and I saw Twilight laying on her bed reading. 'Now I remember she wasn't like that on screen, she was pissed before.'_

"Hello Twilight, I have something to tell you."

"What is it?" she asked and she looked naturally concerned.

I tried to bring all the strength in my body together in order to tell her what was happening. I looked her strait in the eye and got strait to the point.

"I am not of this world Twilight."

She looked right at me and replied with, "I know."

**Note: Oh a cliffhanger. I hope you enjoy this story and if you have any ideas feel free to pm me.**


	2. Life or Death?

**OMG, What Happened?**

**Disclaimer: I do not own My Little Pony or the rights to that song.**

_Previously in the story:_

"_I am not of this world Twilight."_

_She looked right at me and replied, "I know."_

This shocked me, how could she possibly know that I wasn't from the world of My Little Pony. I know she's a genius and all, but still.

"H-how could you know that I'm not from here? The TV show never explained this," I said.

She honestly looked scared of me, almost like I was her biggest threat. "The prophecy of the Mare and the Moon described that one day, a colt with a memory of the future will come with help of Nightmare Moon to decide the fate of Equestria."

Now this really had me, that wasn't the prophecy of the Mare and the Moon. _Somehow my coming to this world had changed everything so that it could make up for my presence._ "This is bad; this is really, really bad."

She was looking really nervous after this. She knew the new prophecy better than I did and yet she looked like she wasn't sure of what was going to happen. "What's the matter Tommy?"

"This isn't right, that's not what the prophecy was before. When I came here, everything seemed to change," I felt useless now, I was supposed to know everything and yet now I didn't know what was going to happen next.

We remained silent for a while to figure out what was going on. I was a human originally and I knew everything about this world, but now I was in a completely different version of the world I knew and was now a colt.

Spike walked into the room and saw both of us together and was originally going to get Twilight to get up and go to the celebration but saw me with her. "Oh, Twilight, I didn't expect you to be with a colt all alone."

This made Twilight blush from embarrassment, now that's even odder. As far as I know she's never blushed from being with a guy. Something is majorly wrong here; nothing is how I remember it.

I chose to leave at that moment things were becoming too weird. Then everything decided to turn from bad to worse, a whole shit load worse. I get out of the library only to find the person that started my problem.

"Nightmare Moon, what do you want, you bitch?" I questioned.

This made her smile; she seemed to enjoy my anger. "I just want to see how my little pawn is doing in his new home. Now is the time for us to start our plan for domination of Equestria."

This infuriated me. How did she expect me to betray all these kind people… or should I say ponies? "I refuse to help you! Just send me back home you bitch!"

"Now, now, language my young colt; and you will help me. That's why I brought you here, and don't worry, once I give you my little gift everything will work out," she explained.

"What are you talking about? What gift, you don't have control over anything, you've been stuck inside the moon," I said.

Again, my confusion seemed to make her laugh. "You think that only Celestia gets to control elements. How do you think I was able to help seal Discord?"

"I thought you shared the elements of harmony with Celestia. You know all six: kindness, laughter, loyalty, generosity, honesty, and magic."

"No, no, those were all of my sister's elements. She got to control those while I had one since I was the little sister. She had all of those which represented friendship, something you find within small groups of ponies. I, however, had one which you find every day and everywhere; the element of deception."

"D-deception?"

"Why, yes my little colt. Now you're getting it, the most common element in any world; and now I bestow it onto you,"

Suddenly she pulls out a stone with the picture of skull and crossbones on it. After a little force, she is able to force me to accept the stupid thing. "I'm sorry Ponyville." When I finally take the element it suddenly changes from a stone to a crown of silver bones with gemstone skulls on top. My eyes quickly filled with an inky black shadow.

"Good, the element has taken to you well my little pawn. You are the chosen to help me destroy Equestria and start anew. Now let's pay a little visit to my big sister," commanded Nightmare Moon.

"Yes, my mistress."

We were both surrounded with the starry night sky pattern of my new mistress's mane and were quickly transported to my mistress's old home in Canterlot. We took a trot down the hall to the throne room where we found the princess waiting to go to Ponyville.

"Hello sister, I was expecting you," Celestia said.

"Of course you were, the tale said on what day I would come. That day is today, and I've brought my little pet," Nightmare said while pointing at me. "We have come to do what I failed at doing all those years ago, taking the throne away from you! You will now be kept in the dungeons below the castle of Everfree Forest. The place where you used the elements to seal me inside the moon; the moon was once the item I used to bring harmony to a full day!"

"Yes mistress, we will take over Equestria and bring a new era of royalty."

Celestia looked at me and I thought I saw a hint of a sparkle in her eye. My mistress didn't seem to notice this so I decided to ignore it; it was obviously a trick of the light.

"You will fail my sister; I have found a way to stop your plan. Beware of Ponyville, for it is in that town that you will find your enemies."

"Quiet you!" I yelled. "You do not get to talk to Mistress Luna that way!"

"Oh little boy, I know you're not of this world. You may have had authority over those who were smaller than you, but in this world you cannot tell me what to do."

I suddenly got nervous over what could happen. Even though I had wings and could fly at high speeds with ease, she had wings too along with a super long and sharp horn.

"I am sorry princess."

"You insolent little boy, you do not apologize to the prisoner!" cried Nightmare Moon.

"Sorry mistress."

Nightmare Moon seemed pissed at this point; she just decided to surround our group in her mystic mane and transport us to the dungeons of the palace in the Everfree Forest. "Lock her up," my mistress said. With that I pulled out the chains and made it so that each of Celestia's hooves were chained to the ground.

"You are now destined to die in this hell hole where no one knows where you are," I said.

Nightmare Moon and I then teleported to Ponyville; there we scared the shit out of the ponies in the town hall. Just like in the episode before, Twilight and everyone was surprised to see this happening. The only difference in this picture was me standing next to Nightmare Moon.

My mistress did the cliché laugh that all villains seem to do.

"You embarrass me sometimes mistress," I said.

"Oh shut up and let me give my evil plan."

She explained how she was going to bring eternal night time and as we were about to leave, Twilight chose to confront me.

"Tommy, how could you choose to side with Nightmare Moon?"

I looked at her with the saddest look I could give. "I'm sorry Twilight, I didn't want to but she forced the power of darkness onto me. If you'll excuse me, I have to go help Luna to take over Equestria."

I flew off as fast as I could, and of course controlling the element of deception I chose to drop some fake tears from a bottle in my hoof.

I knew that Twilight would come to get the elements and I immediately told Nightmare Moon that it was going to happen. To stop them she set up traps to try and test the little mares. She made a cliff able to crumble with little weight, an angry mandicore, trees with evilly frightening faces (which I didn't think would be very effective), a crying sea monster to create a river, and a torn up bridge with a mirage to trick whoever comes over.

"These are all genius mi lady. Though if you ask me, you still should have gone with something better than trees," I pointed out.

"Quiet you; now go spread some deception with our prisoner."

"Yes mi lady." I trotted down to the dungeon to find Celestia trying to lift the keys with magic in her horn. "You sneaky little whore, you're trying to take the keys."

I took the key that unlocked her shackles and, while making sure she couldn't see, placed in my mouth and gulped. I walked over to the princess and taunted the stuck princess with the keys that would do nothing. Before I left, I decided I would do something that I probably wouldn't like, I kissed her. I saw her eyes widen at the sensation and I pulled back.

I spat to the ground once I pulled away. "Ugh, I was hoping that since I'm a horse now that it would feel okay. Instead that felt as bad as I thought it would."

I trotted back up to the throne room of this palace to find mi lady watching as Applejack, Rainbow Dash, Fluttershy, Pinkie Pie, and Rarity left the room.

"Go now my servant, distract Twilight's friends and let me take care of the rest," she ordered.

"Yes, mistress."

I walked out of the room and confronted the group.

"Hello girls." They all turned around and, just like when they first saw me in their outfit, their jaws all dropped.

"Tommy, what in Sam Hell are you doin' here?"

"Don't you remember Applejack; he is the servant of Nightmare Moon."

"Oh, Tommy, I love your hat!" cried Pinkie Pie.

"Why thank you, I quite like how it goes well with my outfit."

"Oh, so right, it's the perfect finish to the ensemble," Rarity agreed.

"Uh, gals, he's the enemy. Just kick him!" cried Rainbow Dash.

She quickly turned back and kicked me with her rear hooves in the face. I wasn't knocked out, or hurt very much for that matter, but my natural instincts of lies told me to play dead.

"That was easy," pointed out Fluttershy.

"Who cares, let's just go in and help Twilight! That bitch this guy works for must be trying to stop her!" called Rainbow Dash as she started flying to find where Twilight went.

They quickly followed and got to the next building. I decided I would quietly follow and see what was going on. So far my plan was working to perfection.

When they ran into the room I stayed behind the wall to listen for my queue to go in. I knew she would say it; I have it planned in my head.

That's when I heard her say it. "So what that you have the six elements of harmony; I have the single element that is just as strong as all of you put together. Tommy, get out from behind that wall!"

"Yes mistress," I said, smiling as I walked into the room.

"What, but I kicked you out cold!" cried Rainbow Dash.

"You think that I'm that weak? Hurtful, but now it's time to fulfill my prophecy."

I walked right beside Twilight and stopped.

"Nice to have you back," she said.

"Great to be back." I then looked at 'my mistress', "How did you like my act Luna? Did I do well?"

"What?" she cried.

"I was never planning on joining you. I only used 'deception' to make you believe that I gave up and went with you," I told her.

Twilight decided she would jump in to explain my plan, "Now, we're joining up and are going to take… you… down… bitch."

"This isn't right, my element isn't supposed to go with friendship," cried Nightmare Moon.

"Wrong!" I cried, "Like you said, deception is everywhere, which includes in friendship. Deception is used within kindness, sometimes you have to lie in order to spare someone's feelings. It's also used in laughter, in pranks you have to be willing to lie on motives or what you're doing."

"Now, with all elements on our side; we banish the evil in your heart!" we all called.

We shot out beams of light, each a different color. Pink for magic, light blue for laughter, red for loyalty, pink for kindness, purple for generosity, orange for honesty, and black for deception.

Once the beams were gone we started celebrating at the joy we were feeling for defeating evil.

"Well done, little ponies," we heard and everyone but me was surprised to see Princess Celestia.

"Princess, how did you escape the dungeon?" Pinkie asked.

"Tommy helped me out, he… um… gave me the key."

_**Flashback**_

I put the key in my mouth and gulped, making sure not to swallow the key.

I taunted the princess with the ring of keys that didn't have the key she needed. I knew that Nightmare Moon was watching so I took caution.

I kissed Celestia and made sure to push the key through both of our lips. _Plan executed perfectly._

I made sure to act disgusted at this so as to not bring suspicion to the scene, though that wasn't very hard… ew.

_**End of Flashback**_

Celestia explained how she knew that this was all going to happen, except for the kiss. I wasn't really paying attention; I've heard this part many times. I chose to walk over to the hurt and shrunken down Princess Luna, knowing that she was no longer evil.

"I'm sorry for lying to you princess; I needed to protect Equestria, not destroy it," I apologized.

"I'm sorry too Tommy, I was wrong to bring you to this world for no reason. If you want, I will send you back."

I just smiled at what she said, she seemed to take this as a yes but I quickly put my hoof up to stop her.

"No, I don't want to go back to a world where I'm just a guy people pick on. I'm staying here for good."

Everyone seems to hear my little conversation and decides to come over. At the end all six of the main girls surround me and just start cheering and put me at the bottom of a dog pile.

"Yes, yes, I'm happy that I'm staying too." I said before laughing my flank off.

Celestia and Luna finally made up differences and decided to share the roles of the time of day. Luna went back to raising the moon at night and peace would rain in Equestria again.

"I think this calls for a party!" yells Pinkie Pie.

Suddenly I look around to find us in the middle of Ponyville with a huge party going on around us.

"Ah, the magic of television," I said.

Twilight looked sad, how could she be sad at a party with two members of royalty and all these sweets?

I went up to her and asked, "Hey, what's the matter little filly?"

"Now that my mission is over, I will have to leave and go back to Canterlot," she said.

I smiled; it's good to know the future before it happened. "No you're not, just beg to the princess."

Like I expected, Princess Celestia soon came over to our little group just to talk to Twilight. Twilight, sadly, went too far with her begging. I knew Celestia would let her stay, but Twilight didn't need to gravel and kiss at her hooves.

"Twilight, too far," Celestia said.

"Sorry princess."

Just as I predicted, Celestia agreed to Twilight staying with her, as long as she wrote a letter every week on what she learned about friendship. That's when a light bulb appeared above Luna's head.

"That gives me an idea," she said. "I think that, as my protégé-"

"But I'm not," I interrupted.

Luna wasn't listening to me, "I say that you should also write letters to me. Letters that depict how lying helps with friendship."

"Do I have to?"

"Yes, I expect them to be on time."

"Dammit!" I yelled. "Oh well, at least everything ended well. On with the screen fade."

The scene started turning black with a dot of the middle when Pinkie Pie decides to show up and widen it back out.

"Oh, I've never been this happy. Except for the time I got my cutie mark, and when I threw that party, and when I asked all those questions!"

The scene began to darken again when a red hoof stuck itself through.

"'Wait, wait, wait," I said, "I never got to say my catch phrase. Hit it guys!" Two colts (one looking crazy with an afro and the weirdest mixture of clothes ever and the other that actually looked decent) walked on stage and brought out their mikes. "Everybody, meet LMFFO."

I myself decided to dance in the sexiest way possible to the group singing.

"_When I'm at the mall, purity just can't fight them off,_

"_When I'm at the beach, I'm in a Speedo tryna to tan my cheeks._

"_This is how I roll, come on ladies it's time to go,_

"_We headed to the bar, don't be nervous._

"_No shoes, no shirt, and I still get service._

"_Girl look at that body, girl look at that body, girl look at that body,_

"_I-I-I work out! _

"_Girl look at that body, girl look at that body, girl look at that body,_

"_I-I-I work out! _

"_When I walk in the spot, this is what I see:_

"_Everybody stops and they starin' at me._

"_I gotta passion in my pants and I ain't afraid to show it, show it, show it, show it._

"_I'm sexy and I know it!"_

I turned around to see all the girls with wide, gaping mouths and suddenly Rainbow Dash rand up to me.

"You're coming with me," she said.

"Will do. Hey, thanks guys." With that, I saved the pony world, had an element of lying, a date with Rainbow Dash and a performance with LMFFO. "Best… day… ever."

**Note: How did you feel about it? Please review. I'll accept any type, even flames if it will help make me better.**


	3. The Ticket Hider

**Chapter 3: The Ticket Hider**

**Disclaimer: I do not own My Little Pony or any songs I use in this story.**

**Note: Sorry it took a while to update, I've had a lot going on this summer. I'll work on getting them in sooner. If you do not approve of the element I use (Deception) please give me ideas on other ones that exists both in and outside friendship and I will gladly add it at some point.**

I was in the middle of a little make out session with Rainbow Dash (looks like I got used to kissing this pony, how scary is that?) when I look down to see Twilight, Spike, and Applejack walking to the Apple family barn with baskets of apples. Twilight and Spike were obviously hungry and Spike was searching through a basket for a special apple.

"Hey baby, you might want to listen to this," I told Rainbow Dash.

Spike then dug his teeth into the juiciest apple of the bunch.

"Spike, I thought you were saving that for me!" yelled Twilight.

"Sorry," he replied.

Rainbow Dash just had a puzzled look on her face. "How is this more important?"

"Keep watching."

Spike then spit up a scroll and began to read it out. "Hear yee, hear yee. Her grand royal highness, Princess Celestia of Equestria, is pleased to announce the Grand Galloping Gala to be held in the magnificent capitol city of Canterlot on the 21st day of…" he then becomes a terrible example of an assistant by skipping to the end. "- cordially extends an invitation to Twilight Sparkle plus one guest."

The two ponies then get excited while I held Rainbow Dash back for a little bit. "The Grand Galloping Gala!" the two cried.

Spike was sickened by their reaction and soon spat up two golden tickets.

"Wow, I've never been to the Gala; have you Spike?" Twilight asked.

"Twilight, I'm your assistant. I have to follow you everywhere!" Spike screamed. "If you've never been there, then of course I haven't! Besides, I'd like to keep it that way. You are just too girly about this."

"Agreed," I mumbled.

"Aw, come on Spike," I heard Twilight say, "A dance would be nice."

Applejack quickly rushed over to try and convince Twilight to give her the extra ticket. "Nice, it's a hell load more than just nice. I'd love to go, it would allow me to sell my apples and fix everything on this farm."

"Oh, in that case, would you like to…"

I let Rainbow Dash go and said, "Here's your chance." Unfortunately she had stopped paying attention and fell like a stone. Scratch that, she fell like a boulder. "Sorry."

She quickly got over it and tried to get hold of the ticket. I could've told them what would happen later, but I'm sure this would count for Luna.

"Are we talking about the mother fucking Grand Galloping Gala!?" she cried out.

"Rainbow Dash, you said you were too busy to help pick apples! What were you busy doing? Spying?" Applejack asked.

"No, I would never stoop that low… I was having a make out session." She pointed up to me and all I could do was wave sheepishly. "I just so happen to hear you have an extra ticket Twilight."

"Yes, but…"

"Yes!" Rainbow yelled. "This is bitchin'! The Wonderbolts perform at the Gala every fucking year!" she went on to explain how if she went then she could join her favorite group.

"Sorry Rainbow, that's not going to happen," I mumbled.

"Did you say something Tommy?" she asked.

_Oh shit, she heard me. _"Uh, nothing, I didn't say anything my sweet sonic rainboom." Luckily, she bought the lie, now there are two for the letter to Luna.

"Now hold an apple-pickin' minute. I asked for that ticket first, and I'm gonna get it," Applejack jumped in. _Thank you Applejack, you just saved my flank._

"Nu-uh."

"Yeah-huh."

"Nu-uh."

"Yeah-huh."

"Nu…"

The fighting ceased when Twilight interrupted. "Now hold on. These are my tickets, I'll decide who gets them. Maybe I'll give the other one to Tommy."

"No thanks, I'm good." I called down.

"Oh well then the pony with the best reason should get to go," the purple unicorn said.

"I need a new barn, help making a living, and fix Granny Smith's hip."

"I could get a chance for the Wonderbolts, for me to live the dream, and possibly some alone time with Tommy if you give me both the tickets."

"Still no!" I yelled.

Twilight looked like she got an idea. "Speaking of Tommy, didn't he get tickets from Princess Luna?"

_God dammit! Why is she so smart? _"Um, yes, but you see… since Luna is the minor princess, she only gave me one ticket." _ Please buy it._

"Oh well. You guys both have really great suggestions. I'm going to have to think this through," Twilight said. Then her belly grumbled and she looked embarrassed. "Oops, I never could think on an empty stomach. I'm going to go get something to eat and hopefully come to a decision."

I decided that I would have a snack and enjoy the show. "This is gonna be good." I took a seat on the closest cloud and started eating some popcorn as Twilight walked into town.

Twilight was wandering through town for something to eat, when, guess who runs into her. It was the most random pony in all of Equestria, Pinkie Pie. The tickets fell out of Spike's grasp and landed on Pinkie Pie's nose.

"Ah, a bat! Wait, that's not a bat. Those are tickets to the Grand Galloping Gala!" she squealed. "The Grand Galloping Gala is the biggest party ever! Can I go? Can I? Can I? Can I? Can I?"

"Oh Pinkie Pie, you're so random." It then occurs to me that I said something similar to that before I was sucked into this world. "I really need to work on thinking outside the box."

A blue glow then surrounds the tickets and they instantly rise off the ground. Rarity brings the tickets to her face and her eyes instantly light up.

"Oh my god, the Grand Galloping Gala!" she squealed. She then instantly fainted. A rabbit sprinted at Rarity and took away the tickets. The rabbit then ran up to a certain yellow Pegasus.

"Oh my, what are these?" Fluttershy asked. She carefully read the tickets and shyly strutted up to Twilight. "Um… Twilight, if you haven't given them to anyone else… um… could I please… um… have…."

Before Fluttershy could finish her extremely long sentence, Rarity had suddenly woken up from her nap.

"You want to go to the gala?" she questioned angrily.

"Well no," then the rabbit tapped her shoulder, "I mean, yes, sort of. You see, I really just want to see the garden; all of the kinds of flora and fauna. The trees, and birds, and…"

"No!" Rarity yelled. "I need that ticket! It's the only way I can meet… him." She suddenly got a dreamy look in her eyes.

"Yay, him!" Pinkie Pie yelled. "Who's him?"

"Him," Rarity called, "the colt of my dreams. We'll meet and soon he'll propose to me, and of course I'll say, 'Yes!'"

"Now hold on!" I looked up to see Rainbow Dash; this is going to get ugly. "Two things; 1) I've already met the right guy, so it's a waste to use the ticket on that. 2) Twilight has already promised me the ticket!"

Twilight finally had enough. "Quiet!"

But Pinky Pie kept talking. "And I was like, there is no way you're going to pop my cherry pie."

At this I'm choking on my popcorn in surprise. "What the fuck did she say?"

Pinky looked straight up at my cloud and called out. "I said that there was no way that guy was going to pop my cherry pie. Weren't you listening Tommy?"

Finding it pointless to try hiding, I yell down, "How did you know I was up here?"

"It's really easy to hear you, even when you mumble."

I just lower my voice and say to myself, "I don't mumble."

"You just did!" called Pinky.

"Damn it!" Rainbow Dash then flew up to my cloud, a huge frown plastered on her face. "Uh… hey there sweetie."

"So, you were spying on us?"

"Weren't you spying on Twilight?"

"Good point, all is forgiven," she said.

I quickly pecked her on the cheek and she flew back to try and get hold of the ticket.

Twilight cleared her throat. "Now that that's taken care of, I'm going to have lunch and try to decide who can have the ticket. Please stop arguing by then."

The mane six separated when suddenly a sharp pain hit me and I plummeted to the ground.

"Ah! What the fuck?"

I look up and a grey pegasus with bubbles for a cutie mark was on my cloud.

"Sorry Tommy," Derpy Hooves said, "I just don't know what went wrong."

Knowing that Derpy was being sincere with her apology, I accepted it.

I glided over to get myself something to eat. I bought myself some lovely apples from Granny Smith and a few flowers from the nearest stand, I couldn't be happier with my meal. Suddenly it started raining and I heard yelling. When I look over my shoulder I find a huge mob chasing after Twilight. I knew what was coming up and I joined Spike and the rest of the mane six inside of the library.

Soon, Twilight came in and the argument over who got the ticket continued.

Twilight finally reached her breaking point. "That is it! I've had it! You are all best friends; I'm not going to let this one ticket ruin that. Spike, take a note."

She then had Spike write her very own lesson on how she learned about friendship to Princess Celestia. Soon Spike burped up a letter back.

The new letter told how Twilight could've just said this in the first place and six tickets were given back. All of the mares were in a group hug when Rarity realized something.

"Wait a minute. Tommy knows what's supposed to happen right?"

"Right," replied Fluttershy.

"And he watched as we all argued for the ticket?"

"Yeah," said Spike.

"So he knew that we were going to end up with six tickets."

At this statement, every mare in the room turned towards me. "Uh… I wanted Twilight to learn her lesson."

"Not… good… enough," Twilight said. Suddenly I'm blasted with a burst of pink energy. I'm dangling from the branches of the tree when I see Derpy right next to me.

"I just don't know what went wrong."

"Neither do I Derpy; neither do I."As the mares walk by, I decide to try and spoil their fun. "It's gonna suck, none of you are going to like the Gala!" I'm then blasted with another ray of pink energy. "Well, I have to get my catch phrase in. I don't care what you do! I'm sexy and I know it!"

* * *

**After the Show**

I look right at the screen and say. "Okay guys, I'm going to try and do this every time. I'm either going to do parody of a song to go with _My Little Pony _or change the name of the artist. Now introducing: Toby Colt!" A red unicorn then steps out next to me.

"Nice to be here."

I notice that his flank has two cutie marks and I decide to bring it up. "Is that a guitar and a red solo cup for cutie marks?"

"Why yes they are. I'm one of the only ponies in Equestria that has more than one cutie mark. Now am I going to sing or what?"

"Go right ahead."

'Beers Ago' By: Toby Keith

"_I had a hand-ne-down ride, painted rattle can red,_

"_Second hand ties with poor boy treds._

"_Made a lot of almost love in the bed of that cart that got stuck a lot._

"_Just letter jacket boys singing Jerry Jeff songs,_

"_Drinking everything we could get our hands on._

"_Learning 'bout right by doin' it wrong, hopin' we didn't get caught._

"_And we spent what little bit of money we had, on Wintergreen Skoal a main street gas._

"_Go get your girl, go make your drag. If you're lucky, you can take her cross the railroad tracks._

"_Where the Mare and the Moon, works her magic on the second runner up of the 4-H pageant._

"_Seems like yesterday, even though~_

"_That was fourteen hundred, fifty-two years ago!_

"_Skipped that town on my birthday, for eighteen years I was headed that way._

"_Where old red stopped, I just stayed in a room without a view._

"_I met a one look mare in a two bit bar, I had a place, she had a car._

"_I won her heart with my guitar, I sang her the homesick blues,_

"'_bout spendin' what little bit of money we had on Wintergreen Skoal and main street gas._

"_Go get your girl, go make your drag, if you're lucky you can take her cross the railroad tracks._

"_Where the Mare and the Moon works her magic on the second runner up of the 4-H pageant._

"_It seems like yesterday, even though~"_

Suddenly Princess Luna dropped out of the sky to finish the line.

"_That was fifteen hundred, sixty-two beers ago~"_

The two then decided to finish the song together.

"_Oh~~~_

"_We spent what little bit of money we had on Wintergreen Skoal and main street gas._

"_Go get your girl, go make your drag. If you're lucky you can take her cross the railroad tracks!_

"_Where the Mare and the Moon works her magic on the second runner up of the 4-H pageant._

"_It seems like yesterday, even though~"_

_Toby: "That was sixteen hundred, fifty-two beers!"_

_Luna: "A whole lot of highway, a whole lot of years!"_

_Both: "Sixteen hundred, fifty-three beers ago~!_

"_Oh~!"_

I was just staring bugged eyed at the ending of the performance.

Luna looked up at Toby and smiled. "That was a good day, yesterday."

"Thank you Miss Luna."

This snapped me out of my trance. "Toby, you hooked up with the princess?"

Toby just looked up at the sky and said, "Well, look at the time. Guess it's time to go. So long."

"Yeah, hope I can have you as a guest again," I said.

Luna walked up behind me, "While I'm here, how about you tell me how you deceived to help someone today."

I looked back up at her and said, "Today I lied to help Twilight learn her lesson in friendship."

"Very good, have fun."

I watched as she flew off, a look of confusion on my face. "Well, until next time. Sorry about the late update, I'll try and get more time on the computer."


	4. Apple Buck Season

**Chapter Four: Apple buck Season**

**Disclaimer: I do not own My Little Pony or any songs that show up in this story.**

**Note: Thank you all for the great reviews. It feels great to know that so many people like my story. Remember, if you don't approve of my element in the first episode; send in your own that fill in the requirements in the last chapter.**

Well, last night sucked. Sure I got to meet one of the greatest country singers ever, but I got my flank handed to me on a silver platter. Derpy felt bad for me, so she gave me one of her delicious muffins. I need to remember to do something nice for her eventually.

I was on a flight with Rainbow Dash when I flew strait into an apple tree. I need to remember to pay attention when doing something.

I look down, only to see a sweaty Applejack and a basket of apples.

"Thanks Tomboy, I was starting to get tired of bucking all of these trees," she said.

I noticed how there were hundreds of trees with ripe, juicy apples. I then knew what time of year it was.

"It's apple buck season, isn't it."

She seemed shocked. "Only ponies who harvest apples… never mind, ya'll know the future.'

"Yeah, and you're going to need some help."

"Ain't no way Sam hell that I'm going to accept help from any pony. Now, if you'll excuse me, I must get back to work; these apples won't shake themselves out of the trees."Suddenly the earth started shaking and an apple fell to the ground. "I stand corrected."

Rainbow Dash flew down, bugged eyed in fright.

"St-t-t-t-t-t-t-t…."

Applejack grabbed her by the shoulders and brought her close. "Gosh darn it, spit it out girl."

"St-t-t-t-stampede!"

When we made it back to town, we found every pony running in circles, terrified of being trampled by the oncoming cows. Well, almost every pony.

Pinkie Pie was her same, happy, laughing self. She was enjoying the feeling of the ground shaking, going along with it and bouncing up and down. "H-h-h-e-e-e-e-e-y-y-y-y-y th-th-th-i-i-s-s-s-s m-m-m-a-a-a-k-k-e-e-e-s-s-s-s m-m-m-y-y-y-y v-v-v-v-o-o-o-i-i-i-i-c-c-c-c-e-e-e-e s-s-s-s-o-o-o-u-u-u-n-n-n-d-d-d-d s-s-s-s-i-i-i-l-l-l-l-y-y-y-y!"

Twilight starts running for her library while calling out, "Every pony for herself!"

Mayor Mare tried to calm every pony down, only for them to continue to panic. Rarity pointed to the horizon to find Applejack and her dog Winona sprinting trough the crowd of cows. Rainbow Dash and I were following, a nervous look on Rainbow's face while I was relaxing and flying in a laid back position.

Winona and Applejack split up to either side of the cows in order to bring order to the stampede.

"This is the best rodeo show ever!" cried Pinkie Pie before stuffing her face into a bag of popcorn.

Twilight looked over at Pinkie, a puzzled look on her face. "Where did you find the time to pop that?"

"How did Tommy find the time to pop his yesterday?"

"Touché," replied Twilight.

"Girls, keep your eyes on the oncoming cows," said Mayor Mare. "If Applejack fails to stop this, we'll need to move as soon as possible."

With a whistle from Applejack, Winona jumped on top of the stampeding the cattle and ran to the front of the herd. Applejack then lassoed the lead cow and tugged, by turning the leader the rest soon followed. Cries of terror in Ponyville soon turned to cheers of joy as the town was saved from being squashed.

Applejack used her full force in order to stop the lassoed cow and brought the complete herd to a stop. "Now what the hell, got into all of you?" she asked.

The nearest female cleared her throat and spoke up first. "Sorry, Applejack, but Moogaret saw a snake out in our pasture, and yah know that would freak all of us out."

Rainbow's eyes lit up at this. "So, that's where I left my rubber snake."

Applejack kept a neutral look on her face, but when Rainbow turned around she quickly brought her hoof up and bitch slapped her to the ground. "Ya'll should know not to leave something like that with cows."

With one arm twitching, Rainbow Dash said, "I-I-I-I w-w-was going to p-p-prank Fluttershy."

I picked Rainbow up and started to bring her to the hospital. "See yah later."

Applejack called up, "See yah at the award ceremony for my many times of helping the ponies of Ponyville."

"Yeah, see yah next week."

* * *

**One Week Later**

We were all gathered in the town square, waiting for the ceremony to begin. I wore my usually tux with gem belt and sneakers look. Every mare in the place was looking at me, waiting for me to say something.

"Well, if I'm going to say something I might as well say my catch phrase. I'm sexy and I know it," I said to the crowd.

Every girl there squealed and Rainbow flew right into me and wrapped me up. _I would have never considered her the possessive type._ Thank Celestia Twilight started her speech; otherwise I might have been knocked unconscious and woken up surrounded in mares… damn it, why did Twilight have to start?

"Thank you for coming every pony. Today we are here to honor a pony who can be trusted to help any problem, big or small. A pony who's contributions to…"

Rainbow Dash then swooped in and interrupted her speech. "Did you see how she stopped those cows; that was so bad ass! Tomorrow she'll be helping me perfect the best stunt, one that will be sure to earn me a spot in the Wonderbolts."

With her train of thought gone, I quickly flew up and dragged Rainbow off stage. "Sorry about that ladies and gentlecolts."

Twilight cleared her throat, but before she could say anything she was interrupted by Pinkie Pie. "On Tuesday, I get to run Sugar-cube Corner for the first time. Applejack will be helping me and since everything she makes is super duper whooper delicious, free samples for every pony!"

Every single pony cheered at this; apparently they already forgot who this ceremony was for.

I could tell that Twilight was getting angry, so right before Fluttershy could interrupt I grabbed hold of her and dragged her away to. "You're welcome."

Twilight was about to start talking again, but Mayor Mare poked her on the shoulder and she finally gave up. With one final scream of anger she tossed the cue cards she was holding in the air and trotted off.

The mayor walked on stage and cleared her throat. "And so, without further ado, it is my great pleasure to give the Prize Pony of Ponyville award to our beloved guest of honor; a pony of the up most trustworthiness, reliability, and integrity, Ponyville's most capable and dependable friend, Applejack!"

Everyone started to cheer, but when the curtains behind her were pulled back, it was revealed that no pony was there. Everyone gasped with surprise that Applejack didn't show up, everyone except one baby dragon.

Spike had kept his eyes closed during the opening of the curtains so he didn't know that Applejack didn't show up. "Yeah, alright Applejack, you're the best! Way to do awesome!" he called out. Once he realized she wasn't on stage he quickly shut up and a pink blush covered his face. Everyone stayed quiet, not knowing what to do. "Awkward~."

Out of nowhere, everyone hears, "I'm here, I'm here."

With a huge yawn Applejack walked on stage. Her eyes almost closed and thousands of bags underneath them. She went up to the microphone and said, "I'm proud to accept this… *yawn* here trophy. It's so bright and shiny… and…" she then started chuckling at her reflection in the metal, "I sure do look funny." She started moving back and forth, watching as her image in the trophy change; and, of course, the most random pony in all of Equestria chose to join in.

After a quick interruption from Twilight, Applejack grabbed hold of her trophy and trotted off to Sweet Apple Acres.

After the award ceremony I followed Applejack to the farm in order to try and get her to feel better. That's when I realized what episode it was. When I get to the farm I find Applejack bucking trees and collecting the apples that fell. Big Macintosh has been injured for the last week and she's been collecting the apples of the season for this entire time. I try to convince her to accept my help, but she was too proud of herself to do so.

That's when Twilight showed up. I told her what was going on and she tried to convince Applejack to take her help, also failing at it. I then pulled Twilight to the side.

"Okay, look here. I'll watch over her with my disguises, deception comes in many forms. If she ever messes up on anything, I'll try and convince her to take it easy," I said.

Twilight didn't seem to like the idea, but she agreed to it anyway.

The next day I hid myself inside a cloud big enough for two and poked two holes in the bottom for my eyes. Today was the day that Applejack would help Rainbow Dash with a new trick for the Wonderbolts. Being tired, Applejack showed up late.

What I saw was that there was a huge see-saw lever and a high platform. Applejack was supposed to jump from the platform to one end in order to send Rainbow Dash flying. Applejack got to the top and looked down, I could already tell this wasn't going to go well.

First try, Applejack fell strait to her face. Second try, was on her flank. Third was on her back while the fourth was on her face again. She tried just pressing it down from the ground, it raised the other end off the ground but only pissed off Rainbow Dash. When Applejack got off, Rainbow lost her balance and fell forward. Applejack climbed back to the top and jumped while Rainbow was still on her stomach. This time she hit the lever and Rainbow Dash went flying, sadly she couldn't do anything and came right at the cloud I was in. She hit me dead on, wrapped her hooves around me and held on for dear life.

"Oh, hey sweetie," she said.

"Hey baby."

We kept flying at full speed until we reached Canterlot. Good news was that we finally stopped. Bad news was that we broke through the roof of the castle and landed in Princess Luna's bedroom.

"Tommy! What art thou doing here?" she asked.

I explained everything that was going on and she seemed proud that I was using deception to help out a friend again.

"Well then, thou must be on you your way."

"Yes Princess, farewell."

Rainbow and I made it back to Ponyville and once again I tried to convince Applejack to take it easy and accept our help, but she was as stubborn as a mule. Looks like I'm going to have to try again tomorrow.

* * *

**Tuesday**

I was first in line at Sugar-cube Corner to get myself hold of a free sample of the muffins Applejack was making. I was in my best disguise yet, no way was any pony going to guess it was me. I managed to dress up so I was a white stallion with a brown goatee.

The muffins were finally placed for any pony to take. Derpy grabbed as many as she could while everyone else scrambled just to get one. I finally got hold of one when I remembered that this muffin was made by Applejack and the ingredients were potato chips, soda pop, lemon juice, and earth worms. It almost made me vomit just thinking about it. I was about to throw it away when the green unicorn that any brony would recognize as Lyra Heartstrings, the human obsessed pony, walked up to me.

"Excuse me, aren't you Tommy," she asked, "the pony that saved Equestria by defeating Nightmare Moon and transforming her back into Luna?"

I was bugged eyed at this. "Yes I am, but how did you know it was me?"

"That was easy, no pony just disappears and then another one shows up for no reason," she said. Then she leaned in close with the biggest smile on her face. "So, is it true that you used to be human?"

I knew what would end up coming next, but I couldn't lie and break any ponies' dream. "Yeah."

She almost suffocated me with joy, where was her friend Bon Bon at a time like this? "Oh my Celestia, oh my Celestia, oh my Celestia, what are humans like? Why are their knees backwards from us ponies? Are there different kinds of humans? What do humans eat? How do humans sleep? Tell me everything!"

_Celestia help me!_ "Um… how about I just answer those questions for now?"

She backed up, still smiling like a maniac. "Fine, just please answer them."

"Okay, well humans are just like the ponies here. Some are cruel and mean to one another while others are kind hearted and want to help others. Some are athletic while others are… below average."

"Interesting, go on."

"Um… well human knees are like that so that they can move quicker."

This confused her. "So, wait. The knees are like that so they can move quickly, but we can move miles faster than they can?"

"Correct."

"Wow~."

I was going to finish but at that moment every pony in the bakery took a bite of the rotten muffins. Unfortunately that also included me. Derpy didn't vomit until she ate every single one of her muffins. Every pony else rushed right to the nearest restroom and up chucked until every last drop in their stomach was drained.

I confronted Applejack later to try and convince her for help again, and again she denies everything.

"It was Pinkie Pie that gave me the wrong recipe!" she yelled.

"No, you were too tired to be able to hear her correctly!" I screamed back. I was getting tired of her not realizing her mistakes and blaming other people.

* * *

**Wednesday**

I may have kept Fluttershy from announcing the favor AJ owed her at the assembly, but that didn't mean Applejack wasn't going to help her.

AJ was supposed to help Fluttershy round up the bunnies so she could track of all of them. Too bad for her Applejack was a little cranky and brought Winona to the round up. I myself took a page from the book of Peta the bread boy and painted myself to camouflage perfectly with the tree behind me. I saw as AJ yelled at the rabbits and then had Winona chase after them when they ran away. The rabbits grew so scared that they ran directly from Ponyville.

I flew as fast as I could, so fast that the paint chipped off, for Ponyville. As soon as I got there I warned every pony of the oncoming stampede. Some just laughed at me, that it, until they saw the huge dust cloud created.

There was nothing Applejack could do to stop this stampede. I flew to bring as many ponies as possible to higher ground as possible. I watched as millions of rabbits trampled through town, such a sad sight. I couldn't save every pony, and sadly there were trampled. Luckily these were just rabbits, so no harm was done.

When Twilight saw what happened to the once beautiful town, she finally lost it. "Enough is enough." And with that, we set off to confront AJ.

With one final kick, she harvested the tree she was on and cheered. "How do you like me now? I finished harvesting the entire orchard."

That's when Big Mac walked up to her and pointed out that she only harvested half of the field. After that she only passed out from exhaustion.

When she woke up we finally convinced her to let me and the rest of the mane six help her in the harvest.

With the speed of me and Rainbow Dash, Twilight and Rarity's magic, and the… um, should I call it help of Pinkie and Fluttershy we were able to clear the acres of apple trees in no time. Looks like AJ learned her lesson.

* * *

**After the Show**

"Well, it's time for our musical guest once again. And once again, we get the pleasure of having the very special, Toby Colt as our guest."

Toby Colt walked back on stage, happy that he could perform again.

"Glad to be here." I gave his guitar and he strums a little beat. "This one is about the best country on this world."

_Made in America_ parody

_Made in Equestria by: Toby Colt_

"_My old man's that old man,_

"_spent his life livin' off the land,_

"_dirty hooves and a clean soul._

"_It breaks his heart seein' foreign cars,_

"_filled with fuel that isn't ours_

"_and wearin' cotton he didn't grow~._

"_He's got the Sun and the Moon flyin' high on the farm_

"_Semper Fi tattooed on his left arm._

"_Spend a little more in the store for a tag in the back that says 'EQA~.'_

"_He won't buy nothin' that he can't fix_

"_with WD40 and a Craftsman wrench._

"_He ain't prejudice, he's just_

"_Made in Equestria!_

"_He loves his wife, she's that wife_

"_that decorates on the Fourth of July_

"_but says, 'Every day is Independence Day!'_

"_She's Golden Rule, teaches school_

"_some folks say 'it isn't cool'_

"_but she, says the Pledge of Allegiance anyway~!_

"_He's got the Sun and the Moon flying high on the farm,_

"_Semper Fi tattooed on his left arm._

"_Spend a little more in the store for a tag in the back that says 'EQA~!'_

"_He won't buy nothin' that he can't fix_

"_with WD40 and a Craftsman wrench._

"_He ain't prejudice, he's just_

"_Made in Equestria!_

"_Born in the heartland, raised up a family_

"_of Discord and alicorns._

"_He's got the Sun and the Moon flying high on the farm,_

"_Semprer Fi tattooed on his left arm._

"_Spend a little more in the store for a tag in the back that says 'EQA~!'_

"_He won't buy nothin' that he can't fix_

"_with WD40 and a Craftsman wrench._

"_He ain't prejudice, he's just_

"_Made in Equestria!_

"…

"_Made in Equestria~!_

"_Made in Equestria._

"…

"_Yeah, my old man's that old man._

"_Made in Equestria."_

The music kept up until the song finally ended.

I had a tear in my eye at this point. "That was beautiful, man."

"I'm just proud to sing of this pony nation."

A light bulb then went off above my head. "Hey Toby, Big Mac is like the guy in your song and then Miss Cheerilee is just like the woman. Is there a chance that eventually they really will end up together?"

"No spoilers."

"Oh c'mon…"

"No spoilers."

Now I was disappointed, "Fine, well it was good to see you again. Maybe eventually you'll have another song that we can do."

"Let's hope so."

**Note: If you want me to try to find a song to make a parody of, send it in a review or pm me. I'm up for ideas. Thank you for reading!**


	5. Griffons, less is more

**Chapter 5: Griffons, less is more**

**Note: I would love for you to review. Constructive criticism is always welcomed. Any ideas you might have for a future episode, feel free to tell me. Sorry for taking so long, school has started up for me, but I promise to try and get chapters in.**

**I do not own any part of My Little Pony, nor do I own songs that I use.**

Rainbow Dash and I were having a nice flight over Ponyville that afternoon. This wasn't to do tricks or to see who could go faster, just a nice peaceful flight. We were talking about our favorite hobbies, hers consisting of bugging the Wonderbolts and practicing to join them while mine were spread out over sports to reading when there was nothing else to do.

Suddenly we hear, "Rainbow Dash, Tommy!"

We looked down only to see Pinkie trotting after us. I waved a friendly hello but kept flying, I just wanted to enjoy my flight and talk. I didn't get my way. Rainbow Dash started flying faster and faster to try and avoid Pinkie. Let me put this strait. She didn't hate Pinkie Pie, Pinkie has just been hanging around her too much and it was starting to bug her.

I tried speeding up in order to catch up, but once Pinkie saw this she sped up as well. This made Rainbow fly faster, then me, then Pinkie continuously in this order.

"Rainbow Dash!" cried Pinkie.

"Not now Pinkie Pie, I'm trying to enjoy my afternoon," Rainbow called back.

"Rainbow Dash!" Pinkie called again.

I saw what was coming up in my head and I tried to find reason. "Um… maybe you should listen to Pinkie," I said.

This seemed to piss her off. "I've been spending time with her every day! I'm not in the mood right now!"

With one final burst of energy she sped to full force while I came to a halt in midair. I couldn't do anything but watch as she took a page from my book and flew right into the mountain I tried to warn her about.

Once she slid down, only one word escaped her lips. "Ow."

Pinkie Pie caught up, nowhere close to being out of breath. "I was going to tell you to watch out for that mountain."

I had a sad expression on my face. "I loved this part of the episode, but now that I'm friends with them it's just painful to watch."

* * *

**Later that same day**

Rainbow Dash and I were on top of a cloud in order to try and hide from Pinkie Pie. I wanted to spend time with Rainbow, but she was the one that wanted to avoid Pinkie. She looked down and saw Pinkie coming.

"Come on, walk by," she mumbled under her breath.

Pinkie walked up to the nearest pony and asked, "Have you seen Rainbow Dash?"

This worried Rainbow; she quickly started trying to burry herself in the cloud we were on. Pinkie kept asking random background ponies, none of them knew where we were. Then she got to Twilight…

"Twilight, have you seen Rainbow Dash anywhere?"

Twilight had a puzzled look and pointed up to our cloud. "Isn't she right up there?"

When Pinkie found out where we were Rainbow grabbed me by the arm and flew as fast as she could to escape Pinkie. She didn't end up stopping until we were on the opposite side of Sweet Apple Acres.

As soon as we turned around though, there was Pinkie Pie. "Hi."

"Hey," I said back.

Rainbow Dash just grabbed hold of me and we were immediately off again. Behind us I could see Pinkie just hopping at a slow speed. This time we didn't stop until we were within the dense brush of the tree that makes up the library. Rainbow checked all around for any sign of Pinkie, but when I looked down where she was sitting, I couldn't stay quiet. "Um… Rainbow Dash..." she looked at me and I pointed down. She was sitting right on top of Pinkie Pie's head.

"Hi again," she said.

Once again Rainbow grabbed hold. She tried faking out Pinkie and through me in the lake that we stopped at. What I saw was going to disappoint her.

When I came up, I was in the arms of none other than Pinkamena Diane Pie in a complete snorkeling outfit. She spat out the snorkel and said, "I need a favor Rainbow Dash."

Rainbow grabbed hold of me and almost took off, but then she just gave up trying to escape Pinkie. Pinkie promised it would be fun and we set off for Ponyville. When we got back the only thing she had Rainbow do was align a cloud to her exact specifications, I remembered what was going to happen and I couldn't help but start to chuckle to myself.

"Tommy, no spoilers," Pinkie called for me.

When Spike came outside the building holding a stack of scrolls Pinkie gave her the signal and she kicked the cloud. A shockwave of thunder was the result which scared Spike into dropping all of the scrolls he was carrying. "Son of a…"

I looked at him. "Spike, watch your language. You're only a baby dragon."

He looked at me like he wasn't sure what I was talking about. After a long pause we found out he had the hiccups. Between hiccups he said, "What… are you… talking about? I was… going to… say, 'Son of a gun.'"

He began running around to gather the scrolls, only to hiccup a burst of magical fire after picking up each one. They each disappeared and I knew what was going on.

"I hope Celestia's okay with receiving all of these blank scrolls," I said.

Spike went wide eyed and started to run for the library. Before he was ten feet ahead he called back, "By the way, nice one Pinkie. Now every pony for themselves! Please Celestia, don't send me to the moon!"

At first the rest of us were nervous that something bad would happen. Then Pinkie and Rainbow started laughing their flanks off.

"Can you think of anything funnier?" Pinkie asked.

"Only one," Rainbow Dash replied. Then she kicked the cloud causing another blast of thunder. After a loud screech of terror Pinkie started to hiccup as well. She seemed to find this just as funny as or funnier than the prank on Spike and giggled in between hiccups. Rainbow started laughing again and said, "I never took you for a prankster, Pinkie Pie."

"Are you… kidding? I love… pranks! It's all in good fun," she said between hiccups. I was still laughing up on the roof of the building while they finished their conversation. When I finally stopped, I realized I was missing my favorite skull necklace and Pinkie and Rainbow were gone.

"Damn it. I love a good prank now and then; couldn't they have just let me join in the fun?" I asked myself. "Girls, give me back my necklace!"

When no one showed up I figured that they had gone somewhere far away and did a quick costume change. By quick costume change, I mean I hid inside the nearest cloud and started drifting to find those two mares. Luckily I didn't need to look for very long, coming out of the joke shop was Pinkie and Rainbow. In one of the bags was my necklace.

I swooped down from my cloud and scooped it up. The girls didn't seem to care that I'd taken it though. When I put the necklace back on, I found out why. Right when I wrapped the rope around my neck it immediately disintegrated into dust.

I ran into the nearest restroom and switched into my white stallion outfit. I started trotting behind them, making sure to keep enough distance that it wasn't suspicious. The next thing I saw pissed me off. Rainbow Dash reached across her neck and pulled off something that wasn't there, and then I realized she'd covered my necklace with invisible spray.

"Pinkie Pie that was a great idea. I can't believe you asked the store owner to make a fake necklace. I wonder what the look on Tommy's face was."

I quickly ran and grabbed hold of my necklace and ran. "The look on my face was one of shock, then pure anger!" I called back. Then I ran to the nearest river and dunked my necklace deep within the freezing water. Slowly, but surely, I was able to wash the spray off the rope and then the skull. I put the necklace on and a shiver went up my spine. "Why do I have this feeling that something bad is going to happen?"

* * *

**Meanwhile**

"Pinkie, what's wrong with your tail?" Rainbow Dash asked.

When Pinkie looked back, she saw it was twitching back and forth. "Oh, that's my Pinkie sense. That sign means something's going to drop out of the sky."

"Drop on us?"

"No, just on anyone I know."

* * *

**Back with my problems**

I looked up only for a super heavy bag to fall on top of me. "Son of a bitch," I said. I opened up the bag to find that it was full of muffins. "Derpy!"

The infamous grey Pegasus dropped from the sky in front of me. "Yes Tommy?"

"Why are you traveling with a bag of muffins?"

She got a sad look on her face and tried her best to try and escape answering the question. You can't fool the master of deception though. Soon she explained everything. "I'm sorry, but I can't afford anything except muffins. I need something to feed my daughter, Dinky Doo. Without a job though, I can't do anything else. I need help, Tommy." By this point she was completely bawling her eyes out. I can't believe she is having so many problems.

I tried to remember all the fanfics and fan comics I've read and came up with three solutions. Selling muffins was probably out of the question at the moment, plus Ponyville and Cloudsdale already have mail ponies. That left one choice.

"Derpy, you were an assistant to Dr. Whooves, right?"

She nodded and said, "I'm still his assistant because his time machine broke. He can't pay me though, because, unlike you, his money wasn't transformed into the bits that we use."

Now, I was really pissed. No one messes with one of my friends, even if they're ponies, and gets away with it. "Well Derpy, I think it's time we paid a little visit to the doctor."

We traveled far outside of Ponyville to find the Doctor working on his time machine. It looks like he really was stuck, poor guy. He turned around and immediately I was bombarded with questions and his analysis. "Oh my," he said. "Why is it that most ponies here are nude all the time except on special occasions but you are in clothes full time?"

I explained how I was magically transported to this world by unicorn power and he seemed even more interested than before.

"Well, that's interesting, isn't it? I had to travel here on accident, none the less on my own free will, but you got to come here by force. I've been trying my best to get out of here but I can't seem to fix my machine. Yet you could have gotten out of here on your own free will and chose to stay. I wonder if maybe…" he never got to finish that thought.

While he was in the middle of his sentence I brought my hoof up and uppercut him right in the chin.

"My goodness, what was that for now? I don't recall doing anything to make you angry, and surely I didn't say anything that could've angered you." I grabbed hold of him and brought his face close so I could land a harder punch. "Now how is it that you grabbed me? I've been learning how to do that since I got here and I've always failed."

Once again I punched him square in the jaw. "Now listen here you little piece of shit. You are going to pay Derpy three times minimum wage for each day and week that she's been working for you."

This definitely knocked some fear into him. "I tried to pay her before, but as she said they won't take the British pounds that I tried paying her with."

I punched right in the jaw one more time. "You are going to go to the Princess. Tell her that I sent you. After that you are going to have her change the pounds to the equivalent in bits."

"Y-y-y-yes, sir," he stuttered.

"After you do that, you are going to pay Derpy the amount I stated before for every week she's worked for you."

"I can't afford that!"

"Then you're going to get a fucking job and pay her what she deserves. You will continue paying her until you finally leave and she doesn't have to be your assistant anymore." My threat finally got to him. I followed him until he got to the Ponyville train station and hopped on the next trip to Canterlot. "Now remember, you don't get back within the next week, and I'll find you."

"Y-y-y-yes s-s-s-s-sir," he said.

Once Derpy and I started our way back to Ponyville, a question popped into my head. I knew this wasn't going to go well, but I asked anyway.

"Hey, Derpy, how exactly did you get your eyes that way? Are they a birth defect or something?"

I was right; this did hit a sore spot. I saw that it saddened her to answer the question, so I told her it was okay for her not to answer.

"Sorry I asked that. I should've known it would hurt your feelings."

She understood that I didn't mean to hurt her and accepted my apology.

"Hey, Tommy…" she said.

"Yeah?" I replied.

"Thanks for all of this. You, helping me and Dinky Doo out and stuff."

I told her how it was all my pleasure and set off for Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash. I was way off the story line right now. I finally flew all the way to town and found them out laughing by the lake.

"So, you already pulled your pranks for today?" I asked.

I was expecting a strait forward answer from the fastest mare in all of Equestria, but instead I got a super long one from the most random. "Oh, we had tons of fun today. We pulled a prank on Rarity with sneezing powder, Twilight with invisible ink, Applejack by painting her apples, and I pulled one on Rainbow Dash with ink on the telescope! We were going to pull one on Fluttershy, but I realized she's too fragile, too fragile I say."

I looked across the lake to see said Pegasus poking at a fake turtle that was meant to squirt her with water, a look of confusion plastered on her face. Seeing this already got me laughing, and for a moment I was willing to press the button that would squirt her.

"Well," I said, "how about you let me join in on the pranks instead of pulling them on me?"

Dash smiled, "Sounds like a plan."

* * *

**The Next Day**

I was flying to Dash's house to start the day of pranking when I hear a weird honking noise. _What the fuck is that?_ I found my answer when I looked down to see Pinkie Pie trotting in the same direction wearing overlarge sunglasses, a red nose, fake mustache, fake arrow in the head, and a noisy kazoo in her mouth.

Since she was my friend, I thought it would be kind for me to land and trot with her to Dash's cloud palace. Thank god she took of all of her silly headgear; there was no way I would have been able to keep a straight face. I was having a nice time actually having a sane conversation with this pony.

I didn't realize we had reached the cloud until Pinkie shouted in my ear. "Rise and shine Rainbow Dash! It's a brand new day and…"

"Ouch!" I mumbled. "That hurt, but why'd you stop?"

I waited for the humming in my ear to stop and looked up. The answer to my question was staring down at us. From the edge of Dash's home, there was a griffon head looking down on us. From higher up, Rainbow Dash appeared and flew down.

"Gilda this is my gal pal, Pinkie Pie, and my boyfriend, Tommy Smith," she said. An eagle like cry came from the griffon and she landed next to me. She said 'hi' in a bored tone and Dash continued. "Guys, this is my griffon friend, Gilda."

"What's a griffon?" Pinkie asked.

Before anyone else could answer, I decided to join the conversation. I can't help that I can be a genius when it comes to these things. "A griffon is a creature that's half eagle, half lion."

"Don't forget, all awesome," Gilda interrupted me.

I knew she would stay about the same. _Great, why couldn't this part of the show change and she be nice? _"Yeah, most of them," I grumbled. While they did they're old school cheer, I tried thinking of ways to get rid of her early. Sadly, with each one I knew I would either fail or get caught.

"Tommy?" Pinkie asked, waking me from my train of thought.

"Huh? What?" I answered.

"I asked if you were ready to pull some amazing, super spectacular, fun pranks."

I knew wear this was going, but I decided to keep that to myself. "Sure, this is going to be great."

It made me happy to put a smile on Pinkie's face from saying that. "Great! Gilda, you game?"

Being the element of deception, I could tell each signal that Gilda's next statement was a lie. "Well, I love a good prank as much as every pony else, but Dash here promised me for a morning flight."

"Shit, I totally forgot. See yah guys, I'll be back soon," Dash said.

"Hey, how about I join you two?" I suggested.

"Sorry, dude, me and Dash need some girl time," Gilda lied again. _Okay, what the fuck?! I know she dislikes Pinkie Pie, but what could she have against me… unless she's a filly-fooler. _With that, Gilda and Dash set off.

I was going to follow them; no way was this freaking bitch going to tell me what to do. I started to change into a new costume, a pure black stallion with a long, white mane, white polka dots on his body, and an arrow notched in a bow for a cutie mark.

I was almost done with the costume when I looked back and saw how sad Pinkie was, that's when a light bulb went off over my head. I grabbed her buy the hoof and dragged her back into town. I found the collectors shop where I've been looking for anything that could interest me over the last few days. That's when I saw it, a giant, pink hot-air balloon. Large, blue balloon marks (kind of like her cutie mark) crossed right down the middle. It was perfect.

"How much for the hot-air balloon?" I asked the store clerk. He said it was a bargaining choice. I thought of a decent price for it, "Twenty bits." He agreed and I gave it to Pinkie Pie.

She looked up at it and her eyes started to water. She wrapped me in a hug, my glasses falling down to the end of my muzzle. "Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you! I love it, now I'll be able to follow Rainbow Dash and Gilda on our own girl's time flight!"

An awkward smile spread across my face. _I'm glad that I made her happy, but does she really need to do this in public?_ "Uh, you're welcome. You can let go now." Luckily for me, she did and immediately hopped into the balloon. Once she was out of sight I quickly finished getting into my costume and set off.

I made it up to the group of girls to find that Pinkie was already trying to join them. Gilda got Dash to race away from her, but Pinkie caught up quickly. She tried again, but again Pinkie caught up. From a separate cloud, I saw Gilda trick Dash into performing new tricks then tear a hole into Pinkie's balloon.

When Pinkie hit the ground, I was right next to her and patched her up with some duct tape. "Sorry Pinkie, I don't have anything better than duct tape." She understood and said how she had a sewing kit at home for later and set off again.

This time I saw Gilda threatening Pinkie and I lost it. Once she made Pinkie leave I put on a pair of giant glasses with thick lenses and made sure I flew right into Gilda, knocking her off the cloud. When she flew back up I quickly grew a fake accent, "Sorry, miss, I'm still getting used to these new glasses." After that, I flew like hell away from her.

Pinkie and I ran to the library and told Gilda off to Twilight.

"Then, she popped my balloon and told me to buzz off!" Pinkie yelled.

Twilight tried to convince Pinkie that she wasn't that bad, but then I jumped in. "Twilight, I was there. Everything she said was true! What reason would Pinkie and I have for lying…" I realized that last word wasn't my best choice and tried to find a way to end the sentence. "What reason would Pinkie and I have for lying in this case?"

"Well, that answer is easy," Twilight responded.

"What you talkin' 'bout Twilight?"

"You're both jealous. Pinkie is jealous that her friend time was cut short and you're jealous that your girlfriend wants to hang out with someone more than you."

Thoughts flew my head, all the lies lined up perfectly. "Okay, so I guess that would make sense. We're not making it up though."

"Yeah… sure."

Pinkie tried to babble on, but soon just stormed outside. I started following her but stopped and looked back at Twilight. "Some friend you're turning out to be." Then I left and stuck my head back in. "Oh, and one more thing."

She turned around, already bored of the conversation. "What?"

"I'm sexy and I know it." After that I ran as fast as I could out the door.

When we got back to town, Pinkie Pie and I grabbed ourselves a couple of milk shakes before sitting down. After getting about half way through, we saw a certain griffon scaring Granny Smith with a very rude joke. The stupid thing made Granny Smith run as fast as she could away, which is to say about half a mile per hour.

After we caught her stealing an apple and I was forced to hold Pinkie back in order to keep her from strangling the thief. "Keep back, Pinkie. We can't draw attention to ourselves."

Once I got her to sit back down, I saw Fluttershy trotting backwards to bring a family of ducks back to the local pond. Gilda saw her coming, but stayed on route so that she would run into her no matter what. When she did she quickly went berserk and screeched. Fluttershy took flight and went as fast as she could in the opposite direction. Pinkie was grumbling all the things she wanted to do to Gilda, this time I just ignored it and flew to follow Fluttershy. The poor girl was a wreck when I found her. I calmed her down and pulled her back to her house. She needed to get her head back together.

When she was back to normal, Pinkie Pie popped out of nowhere and dragged both of us back to Sugar-cube Corner. "C'mon you two, you have to help me set up for a party!"

We started helping while Pinkie set out to get Rainbow Dash for help. Finally, after about fifteen minutes after Dash came to help, we finished. I watched as tons of background ponies showed up to the party. In came Derpy and Dinky Doo, already looking happier from me helping them get hold of some money. About five minutes after them, Lyra and Bon-bon showed up. Immediately after they appeared, Lyra ran up to me and started hitting me with questions, forcing Bon-bon to follow.

"See, see Bon-bon, I told you humans existed, and he used to be one!" Lyra said. I tried to sneak away, but immediately Lyra grabbed hold of me again. "Now that I've proven that humans exist, there's only one more thing to find!"

Bon-bon and I stared at each other, knowing that what came up was going to give us some massive headaches. "Please tell me she's not going to say what I think she's going to say," I whispered.

"I'm afraid so," she remarked.

We looked back up at Lyra, a smile going all the way across her face. "We must go out and find sea-ponies!" I worked on trying to get away, but boy did Lyra have a tight grip. As she went on about describing sea-ponies I saw Rarity and Applejack come in, then Rainbow Dash finally came in and pulled me free.

A waited around the punchbowls for the party to start, drinking a few cups only to find that they spiked the punch. I felt the effects right away; luckily for me, the legal age in Equestria is only thirteen, why couldn't I have transported here sooner? In my dizzy state, Twilight Sparkle, Spike, and Fluttershy walked in and started up a conversation. A few background ponies showed up and finally the guest of honor came through the door.

Pinkie Pie ran up to her and gave her a nice warm welcome with a hand shake. What happened during the hand shake was classic, a nice hand buzzer prank. Gilda did not look amused, in fact, she looked quite angry from it. I had no doubt she would've yelled at that if Rainbow Dash didn't go up and compliment Pinkie on it. She put on a poorly made enthusiastic face and said that it was good before Pinkie introduced her to everyone in the room.

After being dragged to the snack table, Gilda gladly took a cookie and took an oversized bite. I counted down the seconds in my head. _3… 2… 1… now! _Once the countdown was over the griffon's face became red from the neck up. She spewed a mouthful of flames and ran for the punchbowl. I did my best to stumble out of the way, but she just shoved me out of the way anyway. She took the only cup I hadn't used yet and tried to gulp it down, only to find that it was a dribble glass. The punch that was in the cup poured out of the holes near the end and onto Gilda's feathers. Once she noticed that none was going into her mouth she hurried to a different bowl and got a new cup. She extinguished the flames and walked back to our group.

Dash was laughing as hard as she could. "Oh man, pepper in the cookies and a dribble glass of punch. What a great prank."

"Yeah, hilarious," Gilda replied, an annoyed tone obvious.

Dash pointed out the table of presents made for Gilda and the griffon made her way to the table quickly. Every other pony followed at a normal pace; every pony except me anyway. I made my way at a pace that a guy who's never had beer and just had his first six-pack worth.

Gilda opened her fist gift, only to find it to be a can full of fake snakes. I made the fact that I was drunk obvious by falling onto my flank, laughing.

I accidently drew everyone's attention and Twilight brought me to the side to calm me down. With a simple spell, she quickly expelled all the alcohol from my system. I blinked a few times before I remembered what happened.

"Oh, Celestia damn it, I can't believe I embarrassed myself like that," I said. I gained my composure and joined back with the party group just in time for Pinkie Pie to bring out a giant cake with about ten candles on top.

"Oh, can I blow out the candles? Please, please, please, please, please!" Spike asked.

"Spike, I think that Gilda should. It is meant for her," Twilight pointed out.

Gilda popped out of nowhere and shoved Spike out of the way. "Yeah, pipsqueak, listen to your babysitter and get out of my way. Now, let's get on with this." She took a deep breath and blew out the candles, or so she thought. Immediately after she stopped blowing the candles relit and continued to burn brightly. Once again she took a deep breath and blew and again they relit. This cycle went on for about five minutes.

"Should we tell her they'll never go out?" I asked.

Fluttershy looked at me then back at Gilda. "Yeah," then Gilda tried again, "after twenty more times."

Once she finally gave up she burst out in anger. _That didn't last as long as the show. _With a loud screech she grabbed a claw full of cake and flung it at Pinkie Pie, who only licked it off with one swipe of the tongue.

"This is your idea of a good time!" she yelled. "You are all just a bunch of dorks! Especially you Pinkie, with your pathetic, loser, shitty party pranks!"

She kept her rant up while I slowly edged towards the door.

Gilda yelled for Rainbow Dash to leave with her but Dash refused. "You know Gilda," she said, "I was the one that set up all of those 'shitty' pranks that happened to you."

"What!"

"Yeah, so I guess that makes me the pathetic and shitty pony. Is that right?"

"No, Dash, that's not it. She tried to trip me up. I swear, it was all Pinkie Pie!"

Pinkie looked hurt now; she would never try to hurt someone. "What, I set this party up to try and improve your attitude. I didn't make any jokes the entire time."

"They were all me," said Dash. "I didn't plan on them all going off on you, and I'm sorry they did. But if being cool is all that matters to you, maybe we shouldn't be friends anymore."

"Dash, you can't be serious. You're going to pick these dorks over me?"

"That's right."

Gilda started to get teary eyed. "Dash, don't do this. I can't live without you." _Where is this going? _"Dash, I love you." _HOLY SHIT, I WAS RIGHT!_

Every pony's eye was wide in shock by this point. Derpy may not be able to see straight, but even she seemed concerned with what was happening. Dash looked at Gilda like she couldn't believe what she heard; her childhood friend was in love with her.

"Gilda, I'm sorry. I'm not gay. I have nothing against you being a filly-fooler, but I still can't be your friend if you will treat my friends like this. You should just leave."

Gilda slowly walked to the door and opened it. When she did a bucket of mud fell on top of her, soaking all of her white feathers brown. Tears came to her eyes and she flew away.

When every pony looked up to the top of the door they could see me lying down on top.

"What?" I asked. "She deserved it for acting the way they did." Dash and Pinkie quickly made up and I made my way back to the punch bowl. "Back to the party!" I yelled.

I have to admit; that was a fantastic party. That is until the next day when I saw what really happened on facebook. _I have got to lay off the alcohol… is that Lyra? Oh shit._

* * *

**After the Show**

"Ladies and Gentle-colts, I'm proud to introduce one of the most famous singers of both Earth and Equestria. Here's Jason Aldean!"

The curtains pulled back to show a white horse with a ruby colored neck. "It's nice to be here."

"You, sir, bring redneck to a new level."

"Should we move on to the music?"

I thought it over for a second. "First I have one question. How do you like it here in Ponyville?"

"I love it here man, but I do have one thing to say. This is a crazy town."

_Crazy Town My Little Pony Parody_

_Original song by Jason Aldean_

"_Roll into town, step off the bus,_

_Shake off the 'where you came from' dust._

_Grab your guitar, walk down the street,_

_The sign says 'Ponyville: where you can live free'._

_But I have found,_

_It's a crazy town, full of neon dreams,_

_Every pony plays, every pony sings,_

_Foallywood with a touch of twang,_

_To be a star you gotta bang, bang, bang!_

_Bend those strings 'til the Hank comes out._

_Make all the drunk mares scream and shout,_

'_We love it, we hate it,' we're all just trying to make it,_

_In this crazy town,_

…

_Pay your dues, and you play for free,_

_And you pray for a honky tonk destiny._

_You cut your teeth in the smoky bars,_

_And you live off the tips from a pickle jar._

'_til you find a cool new sound,_

_And you smile when the record man shoots you down._

_It's a crazy town, full of neon dreams,_

_Every pony plays, every pony sings._

_Foallywood with a touch of twang,_

_To be a star you gotta bang, bang, bang._

_Bend those strings 'til the Hank comes out._

_Make all the drunk mares scream and shout,_

'_We love it, we hate it,' we're all just trying to make it,_

_In this crazy town,_

…

_One year, they reposes your truck._

_And the next, you make a couple million bucks!_

_It's a crazy town, full of neon dreams,_

_Every pony plays, every pony sings,_

_Foallywood with a touch of twang,_

_To be a star you gotta,_

_Bend those strings 'til the Hank comes out._

_Make all the drunk mares scream and shout,_

'_We love it, we hate it,' we're all just trying to make it,_

'_We love it, we hate it,' we all came here to make it,_

_In this crazy town,_

_It's a crazy town."_

When he stopped the normally empty theatre that I was using as a headquarters was filled with tons of cheering mares. "I think they liked the parody," I said.

"You can say that again."

"I think we should slowly back away from the stage. We'll meet up in Canterlot. Okay?"

"Sounds like a plan."

We started inching away. When we made it to the ends of the stage was when things went badly.

"Get them!" a random mare yelled. We took off as fast as we could and never did meet up.


	6. The Great and Powerful Trixie

**Chapter 6:**

**The Great and powerful Trixie**

**Disclaimer: I don't own My Little Pony or any songs that I use. In this chapter I don't even own the abridged song. The abridged song is owned by the Hub and was used in one of their commercials.**

**Note: I'm going to create a new MLP Fanfic. When I post it I just ask that those who read this will read that and comment on it. And again, sorry this took a while; I was sick for some time and our football team lost their first game in about six years. I just wasn't able to find time to type.**

"C'mon Twilight," Spike and I said, "You can do it. Don't mess up." With a flash from her horn and below Spike's and my nose, we soon had mustaches that matched our personalities.

Spike cheered out with joy. "Great job Twilight, you did great. That's spell number twenty-five that you mastered."

I chuckled at the excitement we had all gained. "This is amazing, but could you return my face to normal?"

Spike walked over to the nearest mirror and started to adore himself. "Nah, I like the way I look. I can use this to my advantage. 'Hello Rarity, what's that, this? Oh it's just my awesome mustache.'"

"Sorry, Romeo," both me and Twilight said. We realized we had the same thing on our minds and she blushed. _It's so weird how she blushes around me. She never had a crush on a guy in the show._

That conversation ended with Twilight removing the mustache and me leaving. I flew off reminiscing over old memories on Earth. I remembered my old friends and my family. _Sure I didn't consider many people my friends but a lot of people liked me. My brothers were little brats, but they were family. I wonder if I'll ever see them again._

My thoughts were interrupted when an intercom went off in town square. There stood a cart with huge curtains on each side.

The intercom blared out, "Welcome ladies and gentlecolts, losers of all ages. Come and witness the magical feats of the great and powerful." A small explosion appeared and when the smoke cleared, there stood a light blue pony with a purple cloak and wizard hat that were covered with silver stars. "Behold, I am Trixie!"

Everyone was in awe, I have to say that it even impressed me that she both teleported and created an explosion with magic at the same time. I could not hear the next part but saw her stand on her hind legs so I knew that she was talking. I tried gliding closer to the stage when my luck turned sour. Suddenly the fireworks around her ignited and were flying right towards me. I made a quick turn and the firework went off below me.

I, however, was not able to escape the explosion and was flung further and further up. I kept flying up until I was just floating. _It's a good thing this is a cartoon world, otherwise I would be a lot more pissed off than I am right now. Next time I see Trixie I am going to have to… shit, what the fuck can I do to a girl that a guy actually can do? _As I was thinking this I slowly started drifting back into the atmosphere. _Maybe I could… ouch, hot, hot, hot! _

I was falling too fast; there was no way to keep myself from most likely killing myself. There was the stage, 1,000 feet away, 100, 10. _I'm fu… _I never did get to finish my train of thought; that's when I hit the stage. I heard a sickening crunch and my vision went slowly from a blood red to pure darkness. Slowly, all feeling started leaving my body. _I'm dead; this is the end of me. At least I had a good run; I lived in two different worlds, I made quite a few friends in both, I helped Derpy with her financial problems, and I saved and entire nation._

I felt my heart stop and it felt like I was leaving my body. _So long Equestria, I hardly knew you. I mean, I got to know you really well through the show, but I never got to know the real you._ Suddenly a sharp pain hit me and my heart started back up. I took one long breath, filling my lungs with the oxygen that they could not get for the minute that I was dead. My bones slowly mended themselves so that I wasn't bleeding anymore. It was a fucking miracle.

Slowly my body started to rise off the ground and I opened my eyes, there I was surrounded by a blue glow and on top of Trixie's stage in front of all of the citizens of Ponyville. The glow left me and I lowered myself down.

"There, you've witnessed it yourself! I, the Great and Powerful Trixie, have brought this colt back to life!" cried Trixie the unicorn.

I spoke up, "Technically I wasn't dead for that long. You could say that you just healed my intense wounds."

"Silence," she cried, "you know the truth! I have brought back from the cold hooves of death pony and healed all fatal wounds that you have received from your fall!"

_Yeah, wounds caused from your fucking fireworks._

"I don't feel good; I feel dizzy, weak, and nauseous. Can someone help me to the hospital?" I asked. Immediately Rainbow Dash flew up to the stage and grabbed hold of my front legs. She gave Trixie an evil stare and brought me up to the nearest cloud. "What are you doing? This isn't the hospital."

She smiled down at me, "Stay right here; I want you to see me wipe the floor with this boasting bitch."

She flew back down to the stage and challenged Trixie to some kind of challenge. "Wait, no! TAKE ME TO THE FUCKING HOSPITAL! Great, and I'm dating HER, just great."

With amazing speed Dash flew up, up, up into the sky, shattering tons of clouds. To finish off her show of speed she quickly changed direction and flew right for the town windmill. This she used to change her direction once again to land on the stage, the water she collected from the clouds creating a dazzling rainbow above her head. "They don't call me Rainbow and Dash for nothing."

_I have to admit, that was impressive._

"Meer child's play for the Great Trixie!" with a glow of her horn, the rainbow quickly spun around dash, causing her to spin out of control. In the distance I could vaguely see her ending up inside the hospital when she stopped. _Oh come on! I was dead for a minute and she's the one that ends up inside the hospital!_

Next up was AJ who's lasso skills were even able to allow her to lift off the ground. Sadly, Trixie's work with the rope left AJ bound and gagged with an apple. "Next!" she yelled.

Rarity stomped up on stage next. "How dare you? A unicorn must use her magic majestically! She must use perfect poise and style. A unicorn must be fabulous." With a glow of her horn, Rarity commanded the purple curtains into a fabulous dress made of light blue fabric and what looked like a golden saddle.

"That's amazing!" yelled Spike. "There's no way Trixie can beat Rarity," as he said this Trixie's horn started to glow, "she's talented, strong, beautiful, and she's…" with a flash of light every-pony looked up at the stage in shock. I have to say that even I was shocked at what had just happened.

"What did she do?! She did something to my hair, I can just tell. What did she do?! WHAT DID SHE DO?!" yelled Rarity.

"Nothing."

"It's fine."

"It's gorgeous."

"You look great Rarity," I called from above, obviously lying.

"It's green," said Spike. Everyone glared at him. "What?"

_C'mon Spike, you never tell a girl that she looks terrible._

Rarity started galloping off to her boutique tears falling to the ground with every trot. Her hair looked like rats had been living in it. It was seaweed green with tangles found in every single spot. Here and there you could see twigs and what looked like wicker strands sticking out. "Not green hair, anything but Green hair! It's such an ugly color!"

Every-pony started looking at Twilight, hoping she would take her turn. "C'mon Twilight, show her that you're the better pony."

"What are you talking about Spike?" Twilight replied, not convincing anyone. "I'm not that great."

"Yes you are, you're way better than her!"

"No I'm not, I'm not better than anyone."

Trixie seemed to overhear the entire conversation and came trotting in their direction. "So, you think that you are better than the Great and Powerful Trixie? Do you really believe that you of all ponies has more magical talent than moa?"

"Who, me? No, I'm just the average citizen of Ponyville. There's nothing special about me, nope. I think I hear my laundry calling, so long got to go."

Trixie smirked, "Do you see? I, the great and powerful Trixie, have proven once again that I am the most powerful unicorn in all of Equestria. Was there ever any doubt."

Slowly every-pony began to leave the town for their own reasons. "Uh, hello, can anyone hear me? I'd really like to be brought to the hospital now. Any-pony, anything, every-pony, everything… please help!"

My plea was left ignored. I watched as every-pony trotted away. Later, Snips and Snails (the lamest of all the foals in town) were catering to Trixie, buying her drinks and other snacks. In return she told them some of her 'stories' about defeating the Ursa Major and other terrible enemies. _Oh give me a break._

Those two treated her like a queen, every command she gave they would follow. It sickened me. Spike tried to talk some sense into them, but only to fail. _Oh no, I know where this is heading, I need to hurry up and get to the hospital so that I can stop them! _

Just as this thought came to mind, one of my favorite pegasus just so happened to fly by. "Oh Derpy, could you help me out here? I've been feeling a little weak for a little while and need help to the hospital, could you fly me there?"

Derpy looked over to me and seemed to feel sorry for me. "Sure thing, Tommy, of course I will. Just lift you front legs and I'll grab on."

I did as she said and we took off. "Thanks."

"No problem, there's nothing that can go wrong."

I slowly felt my body sliding down her arms. "Oh, you shouldn't have said that. Nothing good ever comes from ponies saying that." I slid down further and further until I was right on the edge of her hooves. "Ah, damn it." With one last slide I started falling down to the stage. "Oh no, not that again, please don't let that happen again." But no help came to poor me.

For the second time that day I fell through the floor of Trixie's stage. Luckily for me, since I hadn't fallen from as high, I didn't break a single bone or cut the skin; I was even able to crawl out of the hole this time. Derpy flew down so that she was just a little above the hole I was crawling out of. "Sorry Tommy, I.."

"DON'T say it Derpy, don't say it. Please just take me to the hospital."

"Okay."

Once again she grabbed hold of me and started her way to the hospital. Once we made it there she helped lead me inside. "Sorry about snapping at you back there. A lot of bad things have happened to me lately."

"It's okay Tommy, I forgive you."

"Thanks Derpy, you're like my best friend."

"And you're mine, Tommy." She leaned up to my face, her lips puckered.

"Um… Derpy, what are you doing?"

Her lips formed then into a smile. "It's called a kiss, Tommy. I know that you know what it is; I've seen you kissing Rainbow Dash a ton of times. Now it's time that you try it with me."

I lifted up my hoof and stopped her. "I'm sorry Derpy, but I'm dating Rainbow Dash. I really like you, but… ah! I don't know what to do! I need help!"

She seemed to understand and stopped what she was doing. "I get it. You need to think about it. If you change your mind, stop by my house." She then started trotting to the door but stopped when she reached it and turned her head. "Just remember," she said while shaking her flank, "if you stay with Rainbow Dash, you're missing out on this."

Finally she left, leaving me with a nose bleed and in need of an x-ray from before. _Well that didn't make my decision any easier. _I made my way to the counter. "Can I request an x-ray from Dr. Asap as soon as possible?"

Nurse Redheart at the counter typed something into her computer and smiled back. "You're in luck," she said, "Dr. Asap is free at the moment. You can see her right away. I'll call for her and she'll meet up with you down the hall, third door on the right."

I did as I was told and found the room. There I waited for about twenty minutes when the door opened again to reveal a unicorn that was a slightly lighter pink color than Pinkie Pie with sapphire eyes and a purple mane.

"Oh, hello Dr. Asap," I said. The only reason I trusted her as my doctor was because she was the only one that could give x-rays and she was the first doctor I met after coming to this world. I trusted her and I knew she wouldn't make fun of me for being human in my past world.

"Good evening Tommy," she replied in her soothing voice. _Wait, evening? Oh no! _I opened the door and looked out the window across the hall to see that it was indeed dark out, showing that it was night time. _I've got to hurry up with this! _

I told the doctor all about what happened and how I was dead for about a minute. Immediately she agreed to give me the treatment to show that my bones were extremely weak in some areas and that it was a miracle I didn't break anything in my fall that Derpy caused.

"Here," she said, handing me an orange bottle, "take two before bed each night for the next week. If you lose some and need to refill it, check on me."

"Yes ma'am. I'll make sure to do that." I paid the good doctor her wage and walked right out the hospital. Sadly, once I did I wished I hadn't.

There, in the town, was a giant, blue, nearly transparent bear that was covered in stars destroying the town. Every-pony was running around in fear. _Where's Twilight, she's the only one who can defeat this thing. I'll just have to distract it until she gets here._

I quickly went to work on the beast. The first thing I did was kick it in the eye, though that did little damage and it gave me an uppercut, sending me flying. I felt a sharp pain in my shoulder and remembered that my bones were really weak. I decided I would take a couple of pills now to be safe. I unfortunately, I found out why I was suppose to take them before bed. My body went numb and I fell down, tangling myself in the hair on the Ursa's face.

Finally Twilight showed up. She started playing a sweet tune of music with her magic and calmed the Ursa down. Next she was able to make a giant bottle of milk. With the music and the milk, she slowly lulled the bear to sleep. A purple glow surrounded me and the bear and we were levitated back to the cave it came from. Good news: the Ursa Minor wasn't destroying town anymore. Bad news: I was still stuck to the Ursa Minor.

A few minutes after the Ursa and I landed, then came the Ursa Major. Think of it like this, it was about 20 times the size of the Minor with razor sharp claws and teeth, its fur: a light shade of purple. It picked both me and the baby up and lulled the baby to sleep. It however didn't.

"Well," I whispered to myself, "I'm going to be here until the momma falls asleep. I might as well think of who to pick as a girlfriend, Derpy or Rainbow Dash."

* * *

**Afterward**

"Thank goodness that's over. Well, all except my decision. Anyway, here to sing the next abridged song, here's Katy Pony!"

A pegasus with a tan body and blue mane walked on the stage, her eyes a light green.

"Ugh, let's get on with this please," I said. "I really need to think my love life through... wait, where's Snoop Dragon?"

"He was feeling down, so he couldn't make it. Don't worry, I'll just skip his part."

"Fine."

_Equestria Girls_

_By: Katy Pony (actually by the Hub)_

"_There, is a place, where the grass is what's for dinner._

_Charmed, fun and wild, there must be something in the water._

_Sipping rainbow juice, talking Elements of Harmony._

_Our bronies, hang out too, cause they know we're awesome fillies._

_You can travel the world!_

_But no one can groove_

_Like the girls with the hooves._

_Once you party with ponies, you'll be seeing rainbooms._

_Ooh, ooh oo-oo-oo-ooh!_

_Equestria girls, we're kinda magical._

_Boots on hooves, bikinis on top._

_Furry coats, so cute we'll blow your minds!_

_Aoaoah, oh, aoaoaoh!_

_Equestria girls, we're pony-fabulous._

_Fast, fine, fierce, we trot 'til we drop._

_Cutie Marks represent_

_Now put your hooves up!_

_Aoaoah, oh, aoaoaoh!_

_Trot, on the beach._

_Getting sand, in our wings._

_We freak, in the town,_

_Sapphire Shores on stage sings._

_You can travel the world!_

_But no one can groove_

_Like the girls with the hooves._

_Once you party with ponies, you'll be seeing rainbooms._

_Ooh, ooh oo-oo-oo-ooh!_

_Equestria girls, we're kinda magical._

_Boots on hooves, bikinis on top._

_Furry coats, so cute we'll blow your minds!_

_Aoaoah, oh, aoaoaoh!_

_Equestria girls, we're pony-fabulous._

_Fast, fine, fierce, we trot 'til we drop._

_Cutie Marks represent_

_Now put your hooves up!_

_Aoaoah, oh, aoaoaoh!_

_Equestria girls, we're kinda magical._

_Boots on hooves, bikinis on top._

_Furry coats, so cute we'll blow your minds!_

_Aoaoah, oh, aoaoaoh!_

_Equestria girls, we're pony-fabulous._

_Fast, fine, fierce, we trot 'til we drop._

_Cutie Marks represent_

_Now put your hooves up!_

_Aoaoah, oh, aoaoaoh!_

_California!_

_California girls!_

_California girls!"_

"Very nice Katy, I enjoyed that. Sadly it doesn't help with my problems."

"I'm sorry to hear that," she replied.

I saw that she had a safe trip back and put on my thinking cap. "Maybe my fan base can help me."

* * *

**Note: and help I hope you will. I will be posting a poll asking who I should go with. If you have other ideas, pm me.**


	7. Double Trouble

**Chapter 7: Double Trouble**

**Disclaimer: I do not own My Little Pony, only my crazy ideas to add.**

**Note: Sorry it took so long to update. My computer got a virus that wiped its memory clean. (Why do all the bad things seem to happen to me?) Also, soon I will post two new stories that I would like you to check out. Give me any ideas for the plot and how you feel about them.**

Man did I have a huge decision to make. I had to choose between my two favorite ponies that each liked me... or should I say love? Celestia damn it, this is confusing! Why did Princess Cadence have to curse me like this? Couldn't she just have Luna lock me in the dungeon for a thousand years?

Anyway, that morning I received a letter stating I was running low on money. _Why'd I have to buy that hot air balloon for Pinkie, it cost way too much for any budget. Especially since most things here cost only two bits. I mean, it cost two hundred bits!_

To compensate for my loss I decided I would get myself a job. (At least it would take my mind off of Derpy and Dash.) I tried for Applejack, but sadly with an entire family of ponies to help out there was no job opening at Sweet Apple Acres. "Luna damn it!" I cried.

Next I tried my luck at Sugar-cube Corner, but the cakes had enough problems just keeping Pinkie Pie in order to hire anyone else. Library: Spike held his weight in chores, Twilight found no need for me. _Poor guy, I'm going to help him one of these days. _Cloudsdale: I tried the liquid rainbow (which burned with spiciness I must say) and was immediately fired. Oh well, at least I was paid for the day, five bits anyway. Rarity's boutique: Apparently black doesn't go with everything, who knew? What can I say, I love this tux look I gained in this world.

I only had one friend left to ask. I put on my best smile and flew straight for her cottage outside Ponyville. *Knock Knock* When the door swung open, there stood my favorite shy pegasus. "Hey, Fluttershy."

*Squeak* "Hi. W-w-w-what brings y-y-you to these neck of the woods?" she asked. Here face timid, scared, and wanting to run away.

"You take care of all the animals around your house, correct? How about I help you out. I'll take care of about ninety percent of the chores for a small, minimum wage. Heck, I'll do all the work. That way you won't have to lift one of your precious little hooves."

With my voice I put all the urge I could put. I put in charisma and charm and all my will into my voice. I needed a job, and this was the last friend I could easily get a job with. Good recommendation and everything.

"Uh, sure. I guess. I don't want you to do too much though. That would be so rude of me. I'll only take you up on the first offer. I want to do some work," she said in her quiet, shy voice. With excitement I wrapped her in a hug, which put a huge blush on her face. _Shit, why do I end up doing this? A crush from every mare I know, seriously?_

The next morning I did what I was supposed to. I fed the fish in the brook with worms, fed fresh seeds to the hens, hauled hay into the forest for who-knows-what to eat (that took about eight trips, each with four bails from my hooves), and finally feeding the rabbits, EVERY SINGLE ONE. There were maybe hundreds or thousands of families alone, each with at least six rabbits. The bundle of carrots weight as much as a bus back on earth, no, a full bus of kids going to fat camp.

By the time I was done I was crawling back to the cottage, my body drenched in sweat. I finally made it back and Fluttershy was finishing things up. I saw her feeding the birds first with some worms then the otters with... were those some of the fish I just fed? What the hell!

Afterward I was presented my reward for my hard work, a total of twenty bits. That will last me a little over three days on food. "By the way Fluttershy," I mentioned. "I saw you feed the fish that I had fed earlier to those otters. Why did you have me feed them if you were going to use them as food? Heck, you love animals, why were you using fish and worms as food anyway?"

Fluttershy seemed to ponder this, as if it never occurred to her that she was killing animals. That it was just another chore that needed to be taken care of. "Um..." she started off, not sure of what to say, "You're fired. Never come here again looking for a job." Before I could even protest that this wasn't fair, she flew off to look after her rabbits.

_Well, that's it. I'm screwed. I'm going to be poor living in a box and no mare will fall for me anymore._

With a huge sigh I started flying in the opposite direction, my pride falling with every flap of my wings. Suddenly the sun was blocked from my sight, my lungs were burning from lack of oxygen. I had just flown into an enormous cloud of smoke.

_That's it, the perfect place to wait this out,_ I thought, flying for the closest mountain.

* * *

**Twilight's POV**

_This is bad, really bad. _The princess had just sent me a new letter telling me that a dragon had just fallen asleep outside the town.

In response I galloped as fast as I could to the town square. That's where, luckily, every-pony seemed to be. "Attention every-pony," I called, "I have received a letter from Princess Celestia!"

"Ah, shut up Twilight," I heard. "We don't need to hear about every single thing that happens to you."

"You know what?" I called back, my voice full of anger. "Shut the fuck up Berry Punch. You're-."

I was suddenly interrupted by a sneaking Pinkie. "Shh, Twilight, we can't say that word. We're supposed to say buck instead."

Suddenly Dash walked over to me. "Wait, that doesn't sound right. Doesn't that make Applejack's job sound dirty?"

"I don't care," I responded. "I'm sorry but please let me finish." The two just shrugged their shoulders and trotted away.

"Anyway, you may have noticed that there is smoke in the sky." The idiots then looked to the sky, noticing the smoke for the first time ever and making me facehoof. "Well, I'm here to inform you that the smoke is not the result of a fire, but instead a dragon." The ponies ran in a frenzy, scared of the information that was just brought to their attention. _Well, that could've gone better._

Later, the rest of the mane six, Spike, and I met back up in the library. Where I continued the discussion of the dragon sleeping and blocking out the sun and blah blah blah.

We argued a little on how things should be treated before things really turned crazy. Things were as if Rainbow Dash had drank liquid crazy with ice cubes of insane.

"We need to talk to the dragon. Make it diplomatic and peaceful. If we do something wrong then something wrong must be done to us. Just as Gandhi would say, an eye for an eye makes the whole world go round," I said, showing off my brains as usual.

"No it doesn't," I heard some-pony say behind. When I turned around it turned out to be Rainbow Dash.

"What?"

"That rule doesn't make sense. If that was true, then there'd be one pony with only one eye. How's the last blind pony gonna take the eye of the last pony left. The pony with one eye can just turn and run behind a bush. No blind pony would be able to find him."

Every-pony went wide-eyed at what Rainbow Dash just said. When I thought about it, it actually made sense... if I took it literally anyway.

"Okay, every-pony leave Rainbow alone for a while. Agreed?"

Every-pony else nodded and set off for their own homes to prepare for what was yet to come. This trip to the dragon was going to be a dangerous one.

* * *

**Rainbow Dash's POV**

After Twilight was done blabbing her nerdy peace treaty idea and insulting my ideas on the world I set off for my cloud home above Ponyville, where liquid rainbow flowed like water. I grabbed all the kick butt supplies I could get and rubbed some liquid rainbow on as war paint.

Sadly, this brought back bad memories.

_Flashback_

_I was a young, beautiful filly, just born two days before and already flying. My mane and coat as white as snow._

_My family and I were staying in our cloud house outside Cloudsdale. Liquid rainbow flowing out the sides, just like my current home._

_My parents (with the same color scheme as me) were on the patio behind me while I was flying around and having the time of my life. Mom and dad didn't seem to pay attention to their little girl, who was getting awfully close to the edge of the rainbow pool. They were too busy trying to decide their perfect girls name, stuck between Blizzard Dash and Powder Snow._

_Myself, in a giggling fit from having my first flight, had my eyes closed in excitement._

_Suddenly a dark presence seemed to take over me. My body, seeming to turn chaotic, lost control of flight and fell down, deep into the sticky substance of the liquid rainbow._

_My lungs filled with these spicy colors. My throat burned of intense heat. My skin felt hot, as if someone was putting a blowtorch to it. My mane felt like it was being burned off and regrowing as a new all at the same time._

_It felt like hours but only a few moments later I felt a pair of strong hooves grab hold of me. When I was out of the rainbow I was sputtering for air, my parents faces in shock._

"_I think I know her name," mom said._

"_I think so too."_

"_Rainbow Dash," the two of them said in unision. My dad then held up a mirror, showing me my new colors._

_My coat was sky blue, as blue as a clear summer's day. My mane had become every color in the spectrum, a rainbow of hair._

_End of Flashback_

I broke down in tears at the memory. It felt as though the chaos from that day was flowing through me again.

* * *

**Pinkie's POV**

_Oh, I just know this is going to be fun. Going to see a real dragon! I heard that they love jokes... or did I just make that up right now? Oh well, who doesn't like jokes?_

I packed the funniest things I could find. My balloon animals, party blower, present suit, and swim flippers. _Oh, I mustn't forget my big red glasses!_

_Oh, these remind me of how I got my cutie mark! But that's a story for another day. When Applebloom looks for her Cutie Mark! Oops, I'm not supposed to know that... um._

Suddenly my tails started twitching. "Oh, that can't be good."

* * *

**Rarity's POV**

"Ouch! My goodness, that was painful." I was in the middle of packing my finest items. A silk scarf and of course my most fashionable shades. When all of a sudden the gems I kept on the top shelf suddenly fell on top of me! I was lucky to survive that crises.

Oh, if only I could keep control of these things. Sadly I can be such a clutz sometimes. _I'm so glad Sweetie Belle isn't this bad._

"Ouch!" I heard. When I turned around, there was Sweetie Belle covered in my pony manicans.

_Nevermind._

* * *

**Fluttershy's POV**

Well, we all gathered back together at the library. I expected that Tommy would be here, but sadly no. I can't quite apologize for my earlier behavior just yet. Twilight was giving some big speech over how we were going to take care of this, but I wasn't listening. I had too much on my mind.

First there was how I needed to apologize to Tommy. Then there was the more recent problem.

My extreme fear of dragons.

They're big, and nasty, and breathe fire, and... oh so many other terrible things.

Spike may be kind and so sweet, but he's just a baby dragon. He was born in captivity and knows the difference between right and wrong. This was a wild dragon, one that didn't know what was the right thing to do. He could easily... oh my... dare I say it... kill us in one swipe.

When I looked back up, finally ready to pay attention, everypony was walking away. I galloped to catch up and pretend like I was following the whole time. Suddenly I bumped into Rarity.

"Oops, sorry Rarity."

"Oh, it's quite fine my dear. It's not your fault that she showed up out of nowhere."

"She?" when I looked to the front of the crowd I could see a grey pegasus with bubbles for a cutie mark and a blonde mane.

Twilight was in the middle of a conversation with her. "I'm sorry Derpy, but Tommy isn't with us right now. I expect he will realize what's going on and come help though. Would you like to join us."

Even though Derpy had a lazy eye, both of them seemed to dart to Rainbow Dash before returning how they were before. "Um... no thanks. I'll be fine. I'll wait here."

"Nonsense darling," Rarity said, "you mustn't wait around. Come, with us." Suddenly Rarity's horn began to glow and Derpy was forcibly dragged with the group. "A man should neveer leave a girl waiting."

With that, Miss Derpy Hooves stopped struggling and made her way with us to the mountain. My worst nightmare was about to come true.

We first had to go up a really steep ledge. I couldn't see how the others could climb up it. I mean sure, Rainbow Dash was flying, but still.

I wanted to stay behind. My wings even kept me from flying. Applejack was going to take me around another way, but instead they carried me up anyway. We started to walk around on the trail, my heart pounding out of fear. Meanwhile, Derpy seemed to be concerned on something else.

"Um... Derpy, is something wrong?" I asked.

Derpy stared at me me for a second, with her good eye anyway, before answering. "Well, you see Fluttersky-"

"It's Fluttershy, actually."

"Muttershy?"

"Fluttershy."

"Buttered sky?"

"Fluttershy."

"High five?"

"Fluttershy."

"... Bob?"

"B- that doesn't even sound like my name, but fine yes, call me Bob. I am Bob. Bob is now my new name. Happy? Now is there something wrong, Derpy?"

Derpy looked like she didn't want to mention it. "It's about Tommy. I'm sure you already know."

At the sound of his name, my heart jumped due to the sound of someone with a similar problem. Someone who has a problem involving Tommy. "Oh, do you need to apologize to him for something as well?"

Derpy's expression then turned to confusion. "Ap...ol...o...gize~? What do you- you mean he hasn't told you about our problem? He's dead,"

Now it was my turn to be confused. "Problem? What kind of problem could you and Tommy have? Why is he dead? Did something happen to him?"

"Not yet." I heard her mumble. I figured it was better to just leave her alone.

We made it next to a crack in the path of the mountain. Everypony else seemed to make it across with ease. Derpy saw Rainbow Dash easily make it across the crack and seemed to try to jump further... only to mess up on her aim and hit the side of the mountain face first.

Then it came to me.

Needless to say, I looked down, saw how far down it was, and acted my usual self. (Or as Tommy would put it, freaked the fuck out.) _Oh, I've really have to stop thinking about him. I feel even more guilty than before. There's also something else, I can't seem to describe it._

* * *

**Meanwhile, in my secret location**

A sudden shock came to my body, a sense that something bad was about to happen. Something that would change my situation just a tad. As if I just gained one more girl that would kill for me.

"Oh that can't be good," I said.

"Keep quiet!" my roommate yelled.

"Sorry."

_Note to self: Never get a roommate EVER again. Geez._

* * *

**Back in Fluttershy's POV**

With a little encouragement from the girls, a scary rumbling, and an annoying song of Pinkie's, I finally got myself to jump the gap.

"More like walk, it was only a foot wide," Pinkie Pie said.

"How did you know what I was narrating?"

"A little something I like to break called 'The Fourth Wall.'"

"The what?"

Suddenly everything seemed to rush by and we were at the top of the mountain. "The Fourth Wall, it controls the boundary between reality and fantasy." Again, everything flew by and we were back with the group.

"That explains so much of the things you do. Can you bring all of us to the top?"

Suddenly Pinkie's eyes grew as if worried. "Oh no! We mustn't do that more than once or twice an episode. If we do that, then a hole could break between our world and-"

"The fantasy world?"

"No, the real world."

"Real world? But- and- episode?"

"Not now, Fluttershy. We need to go. Equestria needs us, for, like, the umpteenth time."

So we continued on our way. The group had actually gained ground from where we were before. Within a few moments we were at the front of a huge cave.

"Meep."

Twilight set each of us a job.

Rainbow Dash: Clear the smoke.

Pinkie, Rarity, and Derpy: Distraction. Though the only one needed would be Pinkie.

Applejack: Apple weaponry.

Twilight and I: Wake the dragon.

Twilight started to head into the cave. _No way in hell, am I following her._

* * *

**Twilight's POV**

I was on my way into to the cave. "So, Fluttershy, how do you wake a dragon without angering it?"

Silence.

"Fluttershy?"I turned around and no one was there. "Celestia damn it."

I was now forced to trot back out, argue for her to come in, fail at that, and come back in by myself. This was not going to be easy.

When I met up with the dragon, I found that he was about, oh, the size of PONYVILLE! He was red with a yellow underbelly and spines. Suddenly the little confidence I had just disappeared. I whimpered to the side, his giant claws raised right past my head for him to scratch his stomach.

Then I took a look at the treasure he was sleeping on. And a certain spot caught my eye. It appeared that part of the gold was covered in read, was that blood?

When I took one step closer, an ugly, gold face popped out at me.

* * *

**My POV**

I almost busted a gut laughing and pulled the gold mask I was wearing off.

"Oh... my... god!" I said through the gasps of breath I had afterward. "You should've seen the look on your face! Priceless!"

"Tommy," she yelled in surprise, "what are you doing here!?"

With my smirk still on my face, I replied, "I came here to do some deep thinking. May I say that nothing has come to me yet."

"Well, then do you mind helping me with the dragon?"

"Nah, I actually like him."

"I said, 'Quiet!'" the dragon yelled again.

"He... just... doesn't like me sometimes. He can get quite grouchy."

Rainbow Dash stormed into the cave. Ready to do here violent task, then she saw me. "Tommy, what are you doing here?"

"Hey baby, you wanna see something funny?" in response she nodded her head. "Fly up and look at the dragon from above."

She did as she was told and started to laugh. "His... his... his treasure is shaped like a teddy bear!"

Suddenly the dragon's eyes opened, revealing his yellow iris and black dilated pupils. The whites were beginning to grey with lack of sleep. "I SAID, 'QUIET!'"

"S-s-s-sorry, man," I stuttered. "I know I said I would be quiet. It'll never happen again."

"Oh, I'll make sure it doesn't," he said, the amount of smoke from his nostrils beginning to increase.

"Shit."

"Run?" asked Twilight.

"You're the smart one," I said, "I'm pretty sure you're smart enough to know what to do."

We all made our way for the exit. My speed continued to increase, until I could see the sound barrier begin to form around me. Suddenly I hit another burst of speed and I shot out of the cave. When I looked back, everything seemed to be spray-painted red and yellow.

"Cool, my own form of a Sonic Rainboom. I guess spray-painting kinda goes with deception."

Then the dragon came out, his color unchanged due to him already having the same color scheme. "You're dead Thomas!"

"Um... I go by Tommy! But, whatever works for you," I called back.

At the mention of my name one of the painted ponies looked up, her lazy eye giving her away as Derpy. "Tommy? I have a bone to pick with you."

"Aw shit, who let Derpy in with the group?" I asked.

Derpy, not being the best flier, slowly and wobbly flew her way up to me. "I tell you I love you, and I never hear from you since. You said you needed some time to think about it and I gave you this long. Now I want an answer, me or Rainbow? Who is it going to be?"

Hearing the entire conversation, Dash flew up within a second to join it. "Excuse me, you told my stallion that you love him while we're dating?" then she turned her attention to me. "And you didn't tell her 'no' right away?"

I ended up doing an awkward laugh. "Well, the funny thing is... um... hey, dragon, now would be a good time to kill me!"Instead, the dragon knew to stay away and just flew away, his treasure between his claws. "Hey, come back and kill me!"

I started flying after him, rambling to try and get out of girl troubles. When I saw Ponyville, I made a straight beeline for the abandoned theatre I'd been using after every chapter.

* * *

**After the show**

"Hey, looks like I'm in deep shit aren't I?" I asked, looking at the camera. "Now would be a good time to just get to the music. So without further ado, here's-"

"Tommy!" I heard two voices yell in unison. The doors at the front opened to show Dash and Derpy, as furious as ever.

_Okay, I need a new stage for after the chapters. This place is no longer secret._ "Well, it looks like we don't have time for any music. Sorry, gotta run!"


	8. Worst Expirience Ever

**Chapter 8: The worst experience with girls EVER**

**Note: So if you haven't noticed, my new story ****MLP Enters the Internet ****and I would like for you to at least try it and tell me what you think. Maybe give your suggestions. Thanks.**

**Also, I've realized the Derpy I've been using lately has been a little OC and I will try to keep her to her normal self... as much as I can.**

* * *

Today was a beautiful day in the town of Ponyville. That is until I found out that, since we skipped out on a few rainy days, the weather pegasi had to set up for one big storm.

"Must avoid Derpy and Rainbow. Must avoid Derpy and Rainbow. Must avoid Derpy and Rainbow," I said to myself, placing the final cloud into place.

"Hey you!" I heard, scaring me high into the sky. When I flew back down I found out that it was just the pegasus in charge of this assignment. "Aren't you the male pegasus who was fired because he ate some rainbow?"

"Um... no, I am new to the job and was assigned to just take care of Ponyville. They told me my job paid thirty bits a day~," I said, not confident in any of my words.

She glared at me, then suddenly started to smile. "Okay, here's your pay for the day!" she said cheerfully, handing me a check for thirty bits. "Just remember, you have to cash in the check before you can use any of the money."

"Will do."

I started to fly away, minding my own business when... "TOMMY!" I turned around, and there were my two favorite mares, Rainbow Dash and Derpy, with looks that could kill. I don't mean they were looking beautiful, I mean they looked like they were ready to kill me.

"Oh, h-hi g-girls," I said. "You know, I was just looking for you."

"Yeah, sure you were," said Rainbow.

Derpy then started to wave at me. "Hi Tommy!"

I waved back.

"Derpy," Dash interjected, " We're mad at him. Don't say 'hi.'" Derpy nodded her head and turned her attention back to me, her expression angry again.

Suddenly I felt raindrops start to fall and hit my head. The chill I felt sent shivers down my spine. "Oh, would you look at that. It's started to rain, guess I might as well get back home. You should too!"

"This isn't over!" called Dash. Even with that she took my suggestion though.

Instead of going to my home, that I had bought across from Lyra and BonBon's place (need I say, not the best idea when you used to be human), I went to hide in the warm leaves of Twilight's tree library. Did I say warm? I meant to say they were freezing and soaking wet. I figured this terrible hiding place would keep me safe from the two angry mares that wanted my head above each of their fireplaces.

I have to say, I did have a good source of entertainment. Inside Rarity and Applejack were having the biggest argument ever. Needless to say it had to be the biggest cat fight of the century. Well, they hadn't quite started yet, but I knew it would all hell loose in there soon.

"Those pegasus ponies really out did themselves today," Twilight said.

_Thank you for taking us into consideration Twilight. I helped work really hard on this storm... I really need to get a life._

Twilight continued, "I think it would be best for both of you to stay here for the night. It's downpouring out there and Spike is in Canterlot on royal business."

* * *

**Meanwhile: In Canterlot**

"I can't believe Twilight is making me do this," Spike said to himself, trying to unclog the royal sink in the princess' restroom.

"Art thou done yet?" asked Luna. "We must prepare for our royal bath."

Spike then pulled out a huge wad of hair and used his magical flame to transport it the the dumpster Celestia placed for it. "Almost princess. I think there's still one big ball down there. It'll only take a few minutes." _This sucks._

* * *

**Back in Ponyville**

"We could have a slumber party," Rarity suggested, though her tone easily said 'I'm just joking, don't listen to me.'

Twilight didn't know what sarcasm was though. "Oh, you're right!" she said excitedly. "I've never had a sleepover. It'll be so much fun! We can talk about boys and truth or dare and all sorts of stuff that I found in this book!" she then used her magic to hold up a book. The title read '101 facts on how to throw a slumber party'

"That's a long title for a book," Applejack said, walking into the room after washing her hooves.

"Oh boy this is gonna be great!" cheered Twilight. Rarity and Applejack looked at each other with the same look. This was not going to be great.

**Lesson 1: the mud masks.**

"You mean I just washed my hooves, but you're still gonna put mud on y'all's faces?" Applejack. "Bullshit."

"Oh come now, Applejack," Rarity said, "this is a face mask. It helps rejuvenate the skin. Keeps it smooth."

"But we have fur all over our skin. How does the mud do that?"

Rarity seemed to just come across the idea. "Moving on."

I looked in on the scene and I have to say I was disappointed. "Where's the fighting. Stupid changes, before there were at least three fights by now."

**Lesson 2: Hair Styling.**

"Oh dear, Applejack. How are you doing?" asked Rarity.

I could tell it took all of Applejack's strength to sit still while the two girls put curlers in her hair.

"Fine, just fine."

Twilight giggled, thinking everything was going perfectly. "Oh, this is so much fun."

"Yeah," Applejack said with an awkward laugh, "fun."

**Lesson 10: Ghost Stories**

"I'll start this out," Applejack said triumphantly.

"No, I will," said Rarity.

"Fine."

"I call it 'The Horrifying Tale of the Country Hick who Bothered Everypony Within a Hundred Miles!'"

"Hardy-har-har." Applejack faked laugh.

"I have one," Twilight said. "Have either of you heard the story of the headless horse?" the other two shook their heads no. "Well, then you are in for a real treat. I've been told that this very town is haunted, by a headless horse. It wanders the night, searching for what it's been missing."

"It's head?" Applejack guessed in a cocky voice. Rarity and Twilight just stared at her. Their expressions told her that that was the stupidest question ever. "Sorry, continue please."

* * *

**Five minutes later**

"And those poor ponies," Twilight continued, "were never heard from ever again."

Everypony was trembling after that. I admit I might've added to the puddle next to the front door after hearing that. "N-n-note to self," started Applejack, "scare the shit outta Rainbow Dash with this story."

"Agreed," I said to myself.

**Lesson 69: Truth or Dare**

Rarity put some arrogance in her voice. "Well, I dare Applejack to do something careful and neat for a change."

Applejack put annoyance in her voice. "I dare Rarity to lighten the hell up and stop her fussin' about every last fucking detail."

"Those things don't sound like anything we can do right now," Twilight butted in, clueless on the situation.

"Fine, I dare Rarity to step outside and let her mane get wet," Applejack said with a smirk.

When Rarity came in, I felt bad for her. I mean, I was used to the cold by now, but she was wet for the first time and looked like a soaked cat.

"I dare Applejack to play dress up in a frilly, fru-fru dress." May I say, Applejack looked like a fairy.

This cycle continued for a bit of each girl giving the other one a dare. Until...

"I dare you," started Applejack, "to brush your teeth with this mint toothpaste-"

"That's it?" asked Rartiy.

"Let me finish. Then drink a cup of orange juice."

Rarity's eyes went bug eyed in shock. "You monster! How could you make me do such a thing?!"

"Okay," said Twilight, getting nervous now, "I think we should just move on."

**Lesson 76: Pillow Fight**

Pillows were being thrown by the dozen. One even came crashing through the window I was near and knocked me to the ground.

"I got it!" yelled Twilight, who sounded relieved to escape the carnage.

When she exited the building she soon found me, knocked out on the ground, and a light bulb seemed to go off above her head. "This is perfect," she said to herself and began to drag me inside. Before she was inside though she sniffed at the air. "What smells like piss?"

When I woke up, I was sitting human style in a chair. Not pony style where I'm almost lying down, but human style like Lyra. "Ow, my head. What happened?" I then tried to get up to find that my front hooves were tied behind the chair while my hind legs were tied to the chair legs. "Oh, that's not a good sign. Nothing good ever comes from somepony being tied up."

**Lesson 100: Experimenting**

"Wait, what did that say?" Suddenly the light was blocked from my face and when I looked up I saw the silhouette of somepony. "Oh, geez, I'm about to either die or be raped."

Suddenly the face moved to reveal that it was Twilight. "Die, no, raped... sorta."

"Crazy mare with magic say what?"

Instead of answering me, Twilight smiled and called into the other room. Before I knew it both Rarity and Applejack were standing right in front of me as well. "My book says that, at slumber parties, girls would usually experiment with each other to discover their sexuallity and kissing abilities."

"Exactly, with each other. No boys allowed, right?" I asked, trying to find my loophole out of this.

But then Twilight held a book up to my face so that I could clearly read it. The caption read, 'If boys are available, use them.'

"Shit. Look, girls, I like all of you, but I'm already in deep shit with Dash and Derpy. Just let me go." A guilty look spread across Applejack's face. It looks like she was starting to regret this. _Keep it up. _"Rarity, you're always looking for the perfect guy, how do you think he'd feel if he found out you practically raped somepony?" Now was Rarity's turn to feel guilty. _One more._

"Tommy, cut it out. I know what you're trying to do," Twilight began. "You're trying to ruin my first sleepover!"

Everything was now set into place. "Of course, I should've realized that the smartest pony in all of Equestria could figure that out." Twilight smiled at the compliment. "Just like I'm sure she knows that rape and holding somepony captive against their will is against the law. How would Celestia react to her number one student being a criminal?"

Twilight's eyes bulged. If there was one thing she never wanted to do, it was disappoint Princess Celestia. When her horn started to glow, I figured the ropes would untie themselves. Instead, the hue that shows that her magic is working appeared around all of my legs.

"W-why did you do that?" I didn't get an answer. She just opened the door. "T-Twilight?" then my chair magically scooted closer to the door. "Applejack, will you untie me?" Twilight trotted behind me. "R-Rarity?"

Twilight kicked my chair and I went rolling out of the building and into the pouring rain. Just when I thought I was done, I looked where I was to find that I was at the edge of a hill. _Shit, I know where this is going. _Just like I thought I began to roll, once again, until a park bench finally stopped me.

"Can I at least get a hacksaw to try and cut these ropes?" I called in hope that Twilight could hear. At least I found out why she used her magic on my legs, to keep them from breaking.

Within a moment my questions were answered when a hacksaw floated over with help from Rarity's magic. I barfed onto the ground before saying, "Thank you," and passing out.

* * *

**The Next Morning**

I awoke with a huge yawn, "Well, that was the crappiest night sleep I've ever had." The only question now was, why was I tied down to a cloud bed?

I turned my head to take in my surroundings, to see anything I had to really twist it and feel my neck crack. "Ow~," I said in pain. The pain was worth it, because it gave me the clearest view of the bedside table; on it was a picture of Spitfire, leader of the wonderbolts, which was signed saying 'Keep up your dreams Dash, love Spitfire'.

"That's it, I'm dead."

"Oh, you're more than dead," I heard. When I looked up, there were Dash and Derpy.

I tried talking in my happiest tone, hoping to brighten the mood. "Girls! How are my two favorite mares?" their frowns never faded. "Nothing? Had to try." Again, no change in expression on Dash, but a smile did appear on Derpy for about a second.

_I feel bad for what I'm going to do, but I need to get out of here._

I flapped my wings, forcing myself downward. With a sudden burst of energy I shot down, tearing pieces of Dash's cloud house with me.

I flew at top speed through Ponyville, trying to find a hiding place. That was when I found my captors. "Oh, hey Applejack. Hey Rarity. How did the slumber party go after I left?"

Rarity sighed in exhaustion. "Oh it went terrible, simply terrible. We kept fighting all night until we looked through our old picture albums and remembered the good times."

"My favorite was when it was raining-" started Applejack.

"Shut up," Rarity put in.

"And you were afraid of getting your mane wet."

"Shut up, darling."

"So I gave you my hat."

"Would it help if I said please?"

"And you just threw it off because, and I quote, 'It doesn't go with my colors.'" Rarity frowned, apparently she didn't like being reminded that she is occasionally a spoiled brat.

I laughed, not meanly but like it was a small joke between friends. "Tommy!" came a familiar, angry voice behind me.

"Gotta go." I took off at breakneck speed into my newest theatre to use. The carpets were all red to let anyone who entered feel like a superstar. The stage was forty feet wide.

I pulled out my phone, a little square that was black with a skull on it, and dialed the only number that I figured could help right now, Princess Luna. When the two angry mares flew in, I held up my hoof to show that I was busy. "Yes, hello? Yes, it has been a while. Listen, could you send her down here? I have a little problem that she could solve. No, I'm sure she'll be safe... Oh, you're coming too? Great~."

I then folded my arms and waited. Every time the girls tried to speak, I held up a hoof to show that I was still busy. Finally, after ten minutes of waiting (though it felt like an hour) the doors flew open to reveal Princess Luna and her niece Princess Mi Amore Cadenza, better known as Princess Cadence.

"You called?" she asked kindly as I kneeled before the royal ponies.

"Yes, your majesty," I started out, "I've have called in need of your assistance." She waved her hoof to tell me to move on. "You see, I've fallen in love with two mares-"

"A herd is illegal in Equestria," she said stubbornly.

I looked at her with a puzzled face. "A herd? Is that what you call a harem here?" I shook my head to get back on track. "Anyway, I know that. The law states, though, that a harem can be approved by the princess of love, you. I beg, so that I do not come to an untimely death, that you will allow that for me."

Luna put her hoof on Cadence's shoulder. When she looked up, Luna gave her a reassuring look. "Fine, come closer." I did as I was told and a pink hue hit me from Cadence's horn. "There, now you can... mate-"

"Uh, I'm only fifteen. Not quite ready for that."

She rolled her eyes in annoyance. "Anyway, you can 'date' however many girls you want, as long as you love them and they share the feeling. Any mare that falls under these conditions will magically be okay with the idea of the herd."

I bowed to her once again. "Thank you princess. I will try to make this up to you," I said. "Feel free to ask for any favors."

She accepted my offer and started on her trip back to Canterlot. Luna, on the other hand, stayed behind.

My two girls seemed to lose their anger. All I saw when I looked into their eyes was that of love. "Hey sweetie," Dash said, trotting over to me and planting a kiss on my lips.

"Tommy!" cried Derpy, running over to me and wrapping me in a hug. "Wait here, there's somepony I want you to meet." And with that she rushed out of the room.

"Know where she's going?" I asked Dash.

"With her, who knows?" she replied.

In almost no time at all though ,Derpy, was back in the room. I tiny unicorn filly that looked similar to her standing next to her. Derpy nodded to her and she walked forward.

I smiled down at her, "Is this the famous Dinky Doo I've heard so much about."

Dinky looked back at her mom. "Mommy, who is this strange colt?"

"Dinky, remember how I told you a brave stallion helped me out when I needed help?" Derpy asked. _St-stallion? _Dinky nodded. "Well, this is him. And he has agreed to love your mom for a very long time. I want you to meet your new dad."

Both Dinky's eyes and mine bulged out of our heads. "Dad!" we both yelled, her in an excited voice and me in a worried voice.

Dinky ran over to me and wrapped me in a huge hug.

"Oh, I forgot somepony," said Derpy.

"Who?" I asked.

Derpy started to trot over to the front door. "Well, a few weeks ago, I sorta adopted this poor filly."

Again my eyes bulged as a lavender unicorn with a violet mane stormed through the door and nearly tackled me and Dinky to the ground with a hug. "Hi, hi, hi!" She said in a voice that was even more excited than Dinky's. "I'm Amethyst Star, and I'm so happy that I can finally have a family."

_Wait a sec, filly? She's nearly my size and was on the tv show too._

"H-hello Amethyst Star. I'm-"

"Oh, I know all about you, dad. Mom's told me all about you! I know we'll have the best of times together." _She's already calling us mom and dad?_

"C-can't wait. Also, can't... breathe." Amethyst loosened her grip on me, but she refused to let go.

Luna walked over to me, a stern look on her face. I knew what this was about and it was the exact reason I didn't want her coming here to Ponyville. The one thing I was assigned to do, and I couldn't do it.

"Tommy, you have not sent me news of your useful uses of deception these last few weeks," she started. "I demand that you give me your reports this instant."

I was shaking out of my tux. "Of course, your highness," I said pulling three pieces of paper from my pocket.

* * *

**Dear Princess Luna,**

**Today, I discovered that you can easily get a mare into bed with lies.**

* * *

**Dear Luna, **

**This week, I used lies to get out of being a father and get into bed with another mare.**

* * *

**Dear Luna,**

**Lies even get you out of crimes. Boy are these local judges stupid.**

* * *

**Dear Luna,**

**These other three letters were lies, I hope these will count for the week and use up enough time for me to get away. See ya.**

* * *

Luna looked up, her expression furious, to see a cloud of smoke the shape of my body. When she turned around, the doors were swinging back and forth to show that they had just been opened.

She didn't need to fly to find me. A simple teleportation spell brought her right in front of me. "Oh, hello Princess Luna."

I knew that I was about to be annihilated. That, or transported back to Earth. I think I'd rather be killed by the princess then go through that disappointment though.

The most unexpected thing happened, though. Amethyst suddenly appeared at the princess's hooves. "Princess Luna!" she yelled happily. "You are my favorite princess, the only thing that I wanted more than a family was to meet you!"

I smiled down at her. "Now, you've done both sweetie. I'm sorry, it might be time for daddy to go though. Princess Luna is very angry with me."

Amethyst looked up at the princess. Her eyes filling with tears over having one of her dreams being shattered by another. At the sight of a sad filly Luna hesitated and her horn stopped glowing. "The... letters will suffice. Thou art relieved from your duties. You have no need of sending me anymore letters."

I bowed to the princess, kissing at her hooves. "Thank you, your majesty. As respect for your excellence, I invite you to listen to the newest abridged song."

"Abridged?"

"Just go with it."

* * *

**After the show**

I walked onto the stage once again, Dinky and Amethyst holding onto my hind legs as if their lives depended on it.

"May I introduce, Mustang Five; their lead vocalist, you might remember as a judge on the hit show, 'The Neigh', Adam Levine."

Five different ponies walked up on stage.

For an easier way to know where the lyrics go, listen to /watch?v=BpypkvZjJiI (this is the original song and lyrics)

'_The Pinkie Promise'_

_original song, 'One More Night'_

"_Oooh~_

"_You yell at me, for no reason,_

"_I have done nothin' wrong_

"_You go and use full force,_

"_throwing everything, we don't get along._

"_You go and keep giving promises,_

"_I can't take no more._

"_You and I get sick, _

"_You're ready to walk out the front door._

"_But baby, there I go again, there I go again_

"_giving false hopes to you_

"_Yeah, I stopped using my head, using my head_

"_Letting it all go~_

"_I got you stuck in my head, in my head_

"_But no truth~_

"_And now I can't help myself, help myself_

"_but lie to you~_

"_So I cross my heart and I hope to die~_

"_Then I stick a cupcake in my eye~_

"_So, you have a promise you want me to keep~_

"_With a Pinkie promise there is no lease~_

"_I try to tell the truth_

"_but my body keeps on telling you lies._

"_I try to tell the truth,_

"_So I can comfort your cries._

"_I try to tell the truth,_

"_but my body keeps on telling you lies._

"_I try to tell the truth,_

"_Why are you not satisfied?_

"_But baby, there I go again, there I go again_

"_giving false hopes to you_

"_Yeah, I stopped using my head, using my head_

"_Letting it all go~_

"_I got you stuck in my head, in my head_

"_But no truth~_

"_And now I can't help myself, help myself_

"_but lie to you~_

"_So I cross my heart and I hope to die~_

"_Then I stick a cupcake in my eye~_

"_A pinkie promise, I will keep of course~_

"_While I am a brony or a horse~_

"_Oooh~_

"_Come on baby, give me one more try!_

"_Oooh~_

"_Yeah, baby, one more try!_

"_Oooh~_

"_Come on baby, one more try!_

"_But baby, there I go again, there I go again_

"_giving false hopes to you_

"_Yeah, I stopped using my head, using my head_

"_Letting it all go~_

"_I got you stuck in my head, in my head_

"_But no truth~_

"_And now I can't help myself, help myself_

"_but lie to you~_

"_Yeah~_

"_Yeah~_

"_Yeah~_

"_Yeah~_

"_So I cross my heart and I hope to die~_

"_Then I stick a cupcake in my eye~_

"_So, you have a promise you want me to keep~_

"_With a Pinkie promise there is no lease~_

"_So I cross my heart and I hope to die~_

"_Then I stick a cupcake in my eye~_

"_A pinkie promise, I will keep of course~_

"_While I am a brony or a horse~_

Luckily for me, Dinky and Amethyst had climbed off of me and started dancing to the song. I was almost mesmerized into joining them. "Pinkie promises are everything." All the band members nodded. "You guys don't talk much when you're horses." They then shook their heads. "Okay, then get the hay out. I don't need you wasting my time."

**Note: So, tell me what you think of my first (almost) full abridge song lyrics. Review!**


	9. True Stripes Revealed

**Chapter 9: True stripes revealed**

**Brony: "Well, I was planning on doing a Hearths Warming chapter, but sadly it's not winter in the story yet and it's past Christmas. Oh well... wait, why is my name next to what I'm saying? Isn't this usually down as a note?"**

**Pinkie: "Hi Tommy!"**

**Brony: "Pinkie?! What are you doing in my bedroom?!"**

**Pinkie: "Well, I figured that, since I would eventually end up on fanfiction because of your other story, I would take an early visit."**

**Brony: "That doesn't explain why you're 'here' though."**

**Pinkie: "I was getting to that, silly. Anyway, I saw in other stories how the characters and the writers would talk before the stories, so I thought it would be fun to do just that."**

**Brony: "So, is this going to become a regular thing?"**

**Pinkie: "Planning on it."**

**Brony: "Okay, you might as well bring somepony else next time. It's boring with only two people."**

**Pinkie: "Okie dokie Lokie. Anyway, Brony Boy does not own My Little Pony."**

**Brony: "Wait, I forgot to mention something!"**

**Pinkie: "Can't it wait?"**

**Brony: "Ugh... fine. Just because it's you."**

**Pinkie: "Oh, you're so sweet. Maybe that's why you have all the mares after you."**

**Brony: *blushes* "On with the story!"**

* * *

I have to admit, being a stepdad isn't so bad. I got to know Dinky and Amethyst really well. It's so sad to find out how Amethyst became an orphan, though. For a little while I started to think that Dinky was adopted too, what with how similar she and Amethyst were in personality. But Derpy... let's just say she had some 'photographic evidence.'

That morning, I was at the front of the school house, ready to drop off 'my' girls (whom I care about very much). Derpy was to my left and Dinky was jumping up and down between us.

"Remember, Dinky," I said, nervous about the filly, "I want to know everything you do in class. So when you get home, tell me and your mother about everything Miss Cheerilee teaches."

"Tommy!" warned Derpy.

"Oh, right," I continued. "Your mom and I have packed you a lunch, which we've already put in your saddle. Inside you will find a hay-burger, a few roses, and (of course) a muffin. Now be good today."

Dinky beamed up at me. "Thanks Daddy! And don't worry, I will!" She then raced off to class.

I looked around for Amethyst, only to find that she had disappeared. Derpy then tapped me on the shoulder and pointed behind me. When I turned, the was nopony there. I thought it over for a moment before realizing that I felt a little heavier than usual.

Just by... well, trying to look into Derpy's eyes I asked her for help. She nodded and with a lot of effort (Amethyst has one heck of a grip) we were able to pry her off my back.

"Nnnnnnnooooooooo!" she screamed, drawing tons of unwanted attention. "I don't want to go! I want to stay with mom and dad all day! I've barely gotten to know you!"

I smiled at her. "Okay, you can stay with us all day."

"Yay!" cried both Amethyst and Derpy. I had to scowl at Derpy to get her to realize what I was doing.

"But," I continued, "I guess I'll have to cancel the plans I made to have supper later this week with Princess Luna." Her eyes bugged out at the sound of the princess's name. "I know how much you admire her so-"

Before I could finish my thought, Amethyst took off at top speed for the school building. Then, Derpy leaned in close to me. "I knew that would work."

"Work?!" I asked, not believing my ears. "You were going to let her miss out on school!"

"Yeah," she replied, "but I've learned to trust you a little more than myself."

I looked at the schoolhouse, thinking about the wonderful time I knew that Dinky and Amethyst would have. The sound of screams tore me from my train of thought and a sudden pain tore surged in the back of my head. I fell to the ground and my vision turned black.

* * *

**Twilight's POV**

_So... Tommy has a herd now? I'm sure he's seen me blushing when we're around. Maybe I can use this to my advantage._

Finally, I got my mind off of the red and yellow stallion to remember why I was currently walking through town. Why is no pony around? Did I survive the ponyclypse?

"Oh sweet Celestia, I'm going to have to fight zombies, aren't I?" I asked myself.

"Twilight, I don't think that's the case," Spike said, wierd I forgot he was on my back. "How did you just notice that Ponyville is deserted? I've been trying to tell you that since we left the library. What's on your mind?"

I responded a little too quickly with a guilty, "Nothing."

Spike didn't buy it. "It's that strange colt isn't it?" I nodded. "I don't trust him, he keeps saying that he used to be a human, whatever that is."

"He did used to be a human," I snapped back. "I will not let you ruin his good name."

"Good name? Twilight, he's the element of DECEPTION, what's to say he isn't still evil? He could be fooling you all!"

I thought it over for a little bit. "That... is a very good point. How can we trust a guy that has saved our lives multiple times and helped destroy Nightmare Moon and turn her back to Princess Luna."

Spike seemed to have it all thought out surprisingly. For a baby dragon, he could actually think some things through, not all but some. "Maybe he just wanted to beat you all himself, let you all feel safe around him so that you would let your guard down. After defeating the Elements of Harmony he could then either take over Equestria or make a quick escape to wherever he's from."

"Okay, why are you never this smart when I want to help me?"

"... Me no know what you talking about," he said while jumping off my back and starting to walk away. "Bye bye crazy pony."

_Okay, one of these days I'm going to have to overwork him just for that. _"Okay, now where was I? Oh right, where the hell is everypony!?"

"Psst, Twilight," I heard from the far right. When I turned to see who it was, nopony was there.

Five minutes later, I heard the voice coming from a different building. Once again there was nopony there. When I turned away, though, a pair of hooves wrapped around me and pulled me inside. To my delight it wasn't a zombie or even some stranger, just honest Applejack.

"Twilight, what are ya doin' here? You should know know by now to hide when she comes to town," she said in a hushed tone.

"When who comes?" I asked. When I looked around I saw that everypony was there: Pinkie, Applejack, Rarity, Fluttershy, Apple Bloom, Derpy, Rainbow, and even Tommy. Though, he wasn't in the best condition. "Why is Tommy tied up in rope?" He was on the ground struggling and shouted muffled words into a bandana that was tied around his mouth.

Everypony looked to Rainbow and Derpy for the answer. "Well," Derpy started, "when I found that Zecora was coming, I kind of... banged him over the head with a frying pan."

"Why?" Derpy only shrugged her shoulders.

Dash just stared, wondering what Tommy saw in Derpy. "Anyway," she started, "we grouped together here in order to hide and everypony started to show up."

"He woke up when I came," Pinkie said. "and I showed up right before you."

"When he did wake up, we told him what was goin' on," Applejack continued. "He started resistin' and ah was forced to tie the poor boy up."

I just stared in amazement, shocked about the craziness that had happened while I was taking a nap at the library. "What exactly is going on?" I asked. "And who is this Zecora?"

A loud crunch was heard from outside the door and everypony just pointed outside. I took a glance out the window and there was a strange mare standing in the middle of the street. The only thing I could see was the bottom of her legs which were striped in black and white.

Suddenly her head turned to show glowing yellow eyes. Eyes that seemed like they could pierce the soul and unlock all the secrets to a pony's mind.

When I turned around everypony was curled up in each corner of the room, pretending that they didn't exist.

"She's a witch." "She's evil." "She's going to kill us all," everypony said one at a time.

"Mmmph, mmmmmmmmph!" cried Tommy, muffled by the bandana.

"What's that boy?" Derpy asked. "Pipsqueek fell down the well? I'll save him!"

Everypony grabbed hold of her before she could get too far to the door. "Derpy," Dash said, "since we're sharing the same colt I have to tell you that is not what he said and going outside would be suicide."

"What's suicide?"

"Just don't go outside."

I watched as everypony cowered in fear, except for the poor kidnapped stallion who seemed to get angrier by the second. "Um... girls, Tommy knows the future. Is there a chance that he thinks Zecora is nice and not evil?" At this he shook his head in agreement. "Like that?"

"Oh please," Dash said, "he's obviously just delusional from being hit upside the head by a frying pan."

Derpy looked down in sadness, "Sorry, too far. I know that now."

Tommy's eyes seemed to soften and his body started hopping towards Derpy who was crouched on her hind knees. With a nudge of his head he got her attention and laid his head on her lap. This seemed to cheer her up as she pet his mane.

I could tell what Tommy was probably thinking. Probably something on the lines of: _If you want, you could just untie me instead of petting my head. Please? _Yeah, that sounds about right.

"But, what if Twilight's right?" Apple Bloom asked. "What if Zecora is nice and just wants a friend?"

A rag was quickly held underneath her mouth, by Applejack, as she breathed in. Soon her eyes became heavy and she fell to the ground, knocked out. "There, there," Applejack whispered, "this is for ya own good, little sis."

"Did you just use chloroform on your own sister?!" I cried. "Isn't that going a little too far?"

Applejack glared at me in anger, "Too far? Is anything too far to protect mah kin?"

"Yes," Derpy spoke up, still stroking Tommy's mane, "using chloroform on family is past the border for helping them."

"Who asked ya?" Applejack snapped. "Y'all have been a single mother for years now. Not until this misfit from another world showed up."

Tears started to form in Derpy's eyes as she started to rub Tommy's head with more force. Even though they didn't get along all the time, Dash flew over to her to comfort her.

Everypony glared at Applejack now. A huge argument broke out over who was right and who was wrong. Rarity was on Applejack's side, which makes sense since she has a younger sister. What didn't make sense was that Pinkie Pie, who hasn't seen her family in years, was also on their side.

I tried to calm everypony down, and during the huge fight, where Tommy was thrown around the room for some reason, I saw Apple Bloom wake up and sneak out of the house. I tried to get Applejack's attention so she could stop her, but she just kept yelling her ideas of protecting a family. Sometimes I feel like I need some more friends, mine are just too crazy.

"Um... Applejack," I tried again.

"Ah'm tellin' you, Ah did the right thing!" she snapped, not knowing that I wasn't in the fight.

I rolled my eyes in annoyance, "Fine, sure you are. Do you know where Apple Bloom is?"

Applejack looked around the room to see that her little sister was nowhere to be found. "Shit, where'd she run off to?!" she screamed.

I pointed to the door then watched as everypony started to go frantic with fear. With one quick sweeping motion, Derpy hoisted Tommy onto her back and trotted to the door.

"Save Muffin Bloom!" she cried.

"mmph mm mmmph," Tommy tried saying.

"Right, save Apple Muffin Bloom!" Derpy said this time. Tommy banged his head in frustration on Derpy, which accidently made her start to move full speed outside. Maybe they are the perfect match for each other; I mean, that wasn't the smartest thing to do.

Everypony else, probably to save Tommy (not Apple Bloom), ran out the door in order to try and help. Before I did the same I looked for Spike in order to tell him to stay in case she came back. Then I remembered that the ungrateful bastard went back to the library.

"Okay, baby dragon's going to have triple chores for the next few weeks," I mumbled under my breath before I started out the door as well.

* * *

**My POV**

May I just say, being tied up sucks ass. No one bothered to even listen to my story. I think it is fair to say that if I ever get back to my world, this will be my least favorite episode EVER. Tied up and now riding on the back of Derpy, I have to say I'd enjoy this if I was still human and it was under different circumstances.

Round and round we went, Derpy didn't seem to have any sense of direction. With every trot I was thrown slightly into the air and landed back where I was before.

With a little force, I was able to push most of my wings through the ropes and get some air. I may have been tied up, but at least now I could float a few feet off the ground. _Now, to find Apple Bloom._

Why is it that I was tied up and stuck riding on Derpy with no help from anypony in town? Come to think of it, I flew all the way to the Everfree Forest (still tied up) and still nopony helped. What the fuck is wrong with this town?

Anyway, when I did make it to the Everfree Forest I was able to catch up with Apple Bloom. When she saw me, she pulled down the rag around my mouth and I explained what was going on. "Zecora isn't evil, you're doing the right thing," I finished.

"Well~," Apple Bloom looked at me like I was crazy; sure I knew the future, but a few whacks to the head by a Derpy can mess somepony up. "Okay, Ah'll believe ya, for now; but you're coming with me. I need a hostage in case you're wrong."

"Oh, well that's fine," I started, then my eyes bugged out. "Wait, wwwwhhhhaaaat?"

Before I could argue, she moved the handkerchief back over my mouth. "Now stay quiet so we can sneak up on her." I can't say I thought this was going well, but hey, when you're a guy transported to a world controlled by colorful ponies and you died once, you're not sure when everything's going to be okay.

I went along with what was going on, slowly hovering in front of Apple Bloom and watching out for any timberwolves, dragons, hydras, or whatever the fuck could be out here.

I actually forgot the danger of the time until we came to the edge of a patch of blue flowers. My eyes widened under my glasses in fear, and I quickly backed up until I bumped into Apple Bloom.

"Hey, what are you doin'? We have to keep moving," she said, trying to push me forward to no prevail. We kept up our little game of chicken until a familiar voice reached our ears.

"Apple Bloom," we turned around to see Applejack, Derpy, and the rest of the girls, staring angrily from another patch of the blue flower, "you get back here right now. You too, Tommy." While Apple Bloom did as she was told and jumped onto Applejack's back while I shook my head and looked around at all the miniature patches of the blue flower, unseen before by the incoming mist.

Derpy flew over to me and picked me up on her back before carrying me to where she stood before. I was having a miniature heart attack, staring at what I hoped would not be my future. We stood in silence until a low, yet still female voice broke through the mist. "Beware, beware you pony folk."

Everypony in the group turned to see a striped figure covered in a brown cloak, Zecora herself. "Those weeds of blue are not a joke."

Mumbles of anti-curses slipped out of everypony's mouth to prevent what they thought would happen. "Silence witch!" cried Pinkie Pie.

"Beware, beware~" Zecora continued, backing away.

"Good riddance," whispered Applejack.

Moments went by, I thought I was going to make it out of there without something bad happening to me. Then... three... two... one, "Yeah, run away you evil pony!" yelled Derpy, standing back on her hind legs and causing me to fall with a thud onto my back. Where you might ask? I fell right into a patch of blue, the cause of all of my fright.

Unrightful words about zebras and bewitchment that even I don't feel like mentioning. After that, with me struggling to get free, I was carried to the home I shared with Derpy, Dinky, Amethyst, and Carrot Top and placed into bed, my room painted black with no windows. It was not until morning, when a bright light woke me up... did I mention my room had no lights either?

* * *

**Twilight's POV**

My night was filled with nightmares of evil ponies, annoying Pinkie songs, and curses. I know that curses are fake magic. They don't really exist; they're just like Trixie's magic, mear tricks.

I woke up the next morning, my hair a mess, and walked to the mirror. I tried to use my magic to lift my violet comb so I could brush my mane only for a beam of energy to shoot out in the opposite direction, picking up my toothbrush instead.

"What the?" I mumbled to myself. My magic had never worked like this before. Yes I could shoot out beams of energy to hurt others, I had done that to to keep Tommy in his place multiple times, but I could always control where they went. I tried to pick up my comb again, only for another beam to hit my mirror, bounce back, and hit my mane, causing it to get even messier.

I could work with this though, with the power I now had over my hair I straightened it down to the state I usually kept it. That's how I discovered why my magic was acting all... wonky!

My normally all light purple horn had somehow grown blue spots all over it and was... is flaccid an appropriate word to use in this situation? It slowly flopped to the left and I tried using a simple transportation spell. My result was a beam of light teleporting my toothbrush one inch to the left.

"Okay," I said, taking deep breaths to try and calm down, "So I can still use any spell I like, I just have to aim now. My horn only works on objects that it's pointing at."

I kept quiet for a few more seconds before letting out a scream that would wake a sleeping dragon, which it did. "Ugh, what's with the racket?" Spike asked, looking at Twilight. "What happened to your horn?"

My morning was spent looking up spells that could fix my horn, sadly, I found none. Spike kept trying to get me to read this book on curses, but I kept having to explain to him that curses were not real.

Suddenly, there came three loud knocks on the door. BANG, BANG, BANG! On the third knock, a blue streak broke through the door and crashed into the opposite wall. When I turned around, there was Rainbow Dash, upside down on the floor, an angry look on her face.

A creak from behind me too my attention away from Dash, though. Entering now was a bright light... wait, what?

The light moved to the side to let Pinkie, Fluttershy, Rarity, and a strange mare that I'd never seen before, yet, she seemed familiar. She had a tan coat and mane with what looked like spots around her. Her eyes, were... derped? _Is that Derpy?! _But she was an earth pony, how could this be Derpy.

In fear of the idea, I looked away at my other friends. Pinkie had a blue spotted tongue (just like my horn), Rarity had hair that dangled off her in strands to the floor, but Fluttershy looked completely fine.

Once Again, I glanced at the light; it was a simple circle, but something was off about it.

"Ssspparrre, into the wight," Pinkie whispered, soaking me in spit.

"Oish ing bu, Pinkie Pie," a voice boomed, shaking the entire library.

_That voice, _"Tommy?" I squinted as hard as I could and finally I saw a dark figure in the light. The figure trotted forward to show a colt with a red coat and yellow zipper design. He wore his usual tux shirt with black shades. "What happened?"

"A chi wa ki, yo fo bobo Zecora," he said, once again shaking the library.

"Sssspppeeee!" Pinkie tried to shout, "It spwas Zecorrrra!" As she spoke, she spat all over Tommy. He opened his mouth to try to yell at Pinkie, but I quickly shut it by using magic to turn it into a zipper and closing it.

I glared at the group in front of me, "Okay, I'll admit that something strange is happening-"

"I'll say," Rarity interrupted, "look at my normally gorgeous hair!" Each enormous strand of her hair waved back and forth with each word she spoke.

I rolled my eyes in annoyance. "As I was saying, something strange is happening, but there has to be a reasonable explanation, there always is."

"Ok," said a high pitched voice from nowhere, "how do you explain this?" I turned around and there was Apple Bloom, except on her back was a micro size version of Applejack.

I tried to come up with an answer and ended up shrugging my shoulders. "But nothing seems wrong with Fluttershy."

Everypony's attention turned to the yellow pegasus. "I don't want to talk about it," she said, except her voice was like a colt who had swallowed anti-helium.

Spike then began to laugh like his life depended on it. "Oh sweet Celestia, this is hilarious! Here we have Hairity, Rainbow Crash, Flutterguy, Appletini, Spitty Pie, an Element of Deception who can't stay hidden, a mare who keeps eating herself, and an Element of Magic that can't even control it!"

A blast of energy then sent Spike through one of the bookshelves. "Who said I can't control my magic?" Twilight asked. "All I need is to make sure I point my horn."

"Are we gonna get anything done about our condition, or not?" Applejack asked.

Tommy unzipped his mouth to speak up, without anyone noticing, "Apple Bloom," he said, easily grabbing our attention by shaking the entire room.

Everypony looked around, trying to find the little filly. "Oh no!" Applejack cried. "Not again, she wouldn't go try to find Zecora again."

"Come on girls," Dash rallied, "It's time to pony up, we have to take down Zecora! Who's with me?"

"Isppp am," Pinkie spitted out.

"As am I," agreed Rarity.

"Muffins," Derpy chanted, now missing a hind leg and her tail. She was about to take a bite out of one of her front legs when Tommy flew over to stop her.

"Derpy, stop eating yourself!" I yelled. "And the rest of you, there has to be a reasonable way to confront this!"

"Okay, then, what is it, wise girl?"

I thought about it for a while. "Well, we could... um... we... uh... I'm sorry." I started marching along with the group as we left out the door, determined to return to normal.

Tommy began humming a little tune, as if he was enjoying this. I just don't get him sometimes. The tune, it sounded similar to "We're Off to see the Wizard" from the Wizard of Oz. The tune that Dorothy, the Scarecrow, the tin mare, and the cowardly manticore sang while on their way the the emerald city at the end of the gold dirt road.

On top of Tommy's head, Applejack hitched a ride, soon beginning to sing along with the hum. Next Fluttershy and her deep voice started to sing. By the time we were halfway through town all of us were singing along to Tommy's humming.

* * *

**Meanwhile At That Fancy Outdoor Restraunt**

"Uh... hey Bon Bon... am I crazy or is that a tiny Applejack, riding a beam of light, following a shaggy Rarity and a floppy horned Twilight? And does Fluttershy have a guy's voice?" Lyra asked.

Bon Bon didn't even turn away from the menu she was holding. Bon Bon thought her friend was the pushing the luck of being given a birthday lunch. "No, but who do you think is watching the Wizard of Oz right now?"

"I'm serious, and they're the ones singing that song!"

"Whatever you say, have you decided what you're having for lunch yet?"

Lyra stood up from her haystack, to get Bon Bon's attention. "Come on! Look!"

"I think I'll have the spicy jalapeno and Daisy salsa with rose bud chips for an appetizer. For the meal, I'll get a nice tall glass of hard apple cider to drink and... hm... I guess some apple and pear fruit salad. What about you?"

Lyra, knowing that Bon Bon wouldn't listen, sat back down. "Will you share the chips and dip?"

Bon Bon sighed, "I guess, since I get free refills on that."

"Then I guess we can share that and I'll have a bean burrito with extra salsa and sour cream with a tall glass of hard apple cider. Sound good?"

"Of course," Bon Bon replied, "It's your birthday, I'm paying for everything."

Lyra raised her complimentary glass of water, "Well, then happy birthday to me. I love you."

Bon Bon raised her glass for the toast. "I love you too."

* * *

**Also Meanwhile**

Berry Punch also just so happen to notice the strange group trotting through town, right in the middle of the Ponyville wine tasting competition, her being the only judge since she was the biggest alcoholic in town.

She had just taken a small sip from Vinyl Scratch's wine when she saw the mane six and Tommy strutting by. Immediately, thinking the sight was a delusion from the wine, Berry declared Vinyl the winner and started towards home.

"That's it, I'm never drinking again," she declared. Then she spotted Hoity Toity's wine, which looked like perfection, "Okay, maybe this once." After she took one sip, she immediately one gulped the entire bottle. "You know what, nevermind."

Vinyl went off towards the train station, happy with her victory. "Oh yeah! Tavi isn't going to believe this! I'm going to have to come up with a new song for this." Vinyl then began thinking up beats for a new wub sound.

* * *

**Back in the Everfree forest My Point of View**

Our group had finally made its way through the final wall of bristles to the opening leading to Zecora's hut, just as the zebra was about to enter her home. The poor girl never saw what was about to happen.

"Quick, geppt her!" Pinkie cried in her spitting voice.

Not needed to be told twice, everypony, except me, sprinted and tackled her to the ground. Applejack, being the height that she was, stayed behind until the zebra was on the ground.

"Yah gonna join, sugarcube?" she asked.

I slowly shook my head, trying to make sure I didn't knock her off.

"Well alrighty then." She then did something I never expected her to do. She kissed me right between the eyes. "You're the best, yah know that. Thank you for helping us."

I watched as a transparent-pink heart started to form around the two of us. Within seconds, the heart grew darker and more solid until nopony would been able see through it if they weren't interrogating Zecora. The heart then began to squeeze in until it just melted into the two of us.

"Well," Applejack said, slightly blushing, "does that mean you love me too?"

I, not being able to speak due to my lips being zipped up again, reached up to grab her and pressed my lips to the top of her head in a kissing motion. I then placed her on the ground so she could do what she wanted.

She decided to attack the zebra. Maybe I shouldn't have put her down.

Now all the girls had Zecora pinned down, though the only reason Derpy had her pinned was because she was nothing but a head now. Applejack was on Zecora's chest right in her face yelling at the zebra, asking what she had done with Apple Bloom. There was only one thing that could stop them from out right tearing the poor zebra to shreds. That thing, wasn't me.

About half of these girls may love me, but those girls include two tomboys, Applejack and Rainbow Dash would turn all their attention on me. I can't be sure if it would be good attention or bad attention, but, considering I don't need anymore kids at the moment, it probably wouldn't be the best decision either way.

The only thing that could stop these girls, was the pony that they had set out to save.

"What in tarnation is goin' on out here?!" Apple Bloom screamed from Zecora's doorway.

"Apple Bloom, you're ok!" all the mares cried.

The little filly smiled. "Well of course I'm okay, I've been here with Zecora."

"But the curses? Hexes? She didn't put any spells on you?" Twilight asked.

"Of course not, you should know that there's no such thing as curses."

"Oh come now, dear," Rarity spoke up, "You honestly can't stand there and say that these monstrosities that we've become, aren't because of a curse."

Apple Bloom stood still and looked at Rarity's mane covered face. "There are no such thing as curses, this is not a curse."

"Uh... apparently she can," Fluttershy spoke with her deep voice.

All the girls got off the zebra and let her stand up. Many were blushing, except for Derpy who now had no ears or mane.

"If you would please remember back," Zecora said, "Those words I spoke were quite exact."

_Flashback_

"_Beware, beware you pony folk."_

_Everypony in the group turned to see a striped figure covered in a brown cloak, Zecora herself. "Those weeds of blue are not a joke."_

_End of Flashback_

"It wasn't a curse she was speaking," Apple Bloom said happily, "It was a warnin'. Those plants y'all were standin' in was poison joke."

"This plant is much poison oak, but its effects are nothing but jokes," Zecora continued. "This blue plant does not seek wrath, instead all it wants is a laugh."

"So all these things are just pranks that a stupid weed pulled on us?" Rainbow Dash asked. Zecora, Apple Bloom, and I all gave a nod. "I can respect that."

Fluttershy said, "Well I can't, may I please have my voice return to normal?"

"Of course, of course, come right in here." Zecora beckoned everypony into her house. "Unless you can't from cowardly fear," she then said with scorn.

Everypony was more embarrassed than scared now, though. When the group walked into the tree home, they found a long table with many different herbs and flowers on it.

"Zecora and I have been gatherin' these up so we could make an antidote for y'all. Now all we need is a giant bath that yah can soak in."

Rarity said, "Well, I can help you with that. It's going to take plenty of explaining, but I may be able to get the spa to help us."

Well, here we are. I'm no longer an all screaming spotlight, Twilight has a normal horn, Pinkie has a non-spotted tongue, Rarity has normal hair, Dash can fly straight, and Fluttershy has a female voice. The nice hot tub that we soaked in was filled with all the herbs that Zecora and Apple Bloom had gathered.

"Oh, Zecora," the spa pony Lotus Blossom spoke up with a strong Eastern Europe accent, "you simply must give us a list of ingredients for this herbal bath. It is just divine!"

Zecora went on to give the list to Lotus when Apple Bloom cried out in fear. "Where's Applejack?!"

A voice then came from the other side of the hot tub. "Ah'm over here, little sis. I ain't tiny no more." There she was with a bucket attached to her flank because of her sudden growth.

"Okay, Derpy," I said, "roll over here so I can put you in the hot tub."

Nopony answered.

"Derpy?"

Everypony else started to look around for the muffin head that was Derpy. When I went to the wall where we left her, all that was there were a few crumbs. I picked them up as tears came to my eyes.

When I walked back to the hot tub, Twilight asked, "Did you find Derpy?" I nodded and held up the crumbs and shock spread everypony in the room.

"Sh-she can't really be..." Pinkie tried to say, her hair losing its frizziness and straightening out.

"There's only one way to find out." I then dropped the crumbs into the bath. At first only a few bubbles came up and nopony could be seen. After a minute or so I just gave up hope.

"I-impossible," without saying another word I trotted over to the corner and got into the fetal position. "No, no, no, no, can't happen. What about Dinky... what about Amethyst. Then there's the Doctor and Carrot Top. Things just won't be the same without her."

I thought I heard a splash, but I dismissed it as one of the girls getting out of the spa bath. Moments later, I was knocked into the wall by a pushing force.

"Ow, what was that..." I asked angrily, then looked up to see some derped eyes and my tone softened to surprise, "for?"

"Thank you for helping me," Derpy said. "I love you."

Once again I started to tear up, but this time from joy. I said, "I love you too," and wrapped her in a hug. When I saw Dash and Applejack staring I motioned for them to come over and join us. Soon it was a group hug with our happy family. "I love all of you."

That night I entered the house Derpy and I shared with Carrot Top only to hear a sobbing sound. When I entered Dinky's room, she was in the middle of the floor, bawling her eyes out.

"What's wrong, sweetie?" I asked with sympathy.

Dinky looked back up, her eyes bloodshot. "I don't want you to leave."

_Okay, this is confusing. _"Who said I was going anywhere?"

"Nopony did. But there was that time that it looked like Princess Luna was going to send you someplace, then there was this morning where you and mommy ran out of the house looking strange but scared and you were yelling."

_Oh, poor girl. I must have scared her senseless. _"Don't worry, I'm not going anywhere."

"You aren't?"

"No, I'm not. Do you wanna know why?"

"I guess. Why?"

"I'm not going anywhere because I love you, and your mom, and your new sister, Amethyst, and Aunty Rainbow, and your new Aunty Applejack. We are a big happy family, and I wouldn't trade any of you for anything in all of Equestria," I said, wrapping my wing around her in a hug.

"Really?"

"Of course! And I even have a song for you. I'll sing it once and then I want you to join in. Okay?"

Dinky sniffed her nose a couple times before saying, "Okay."

I cleared my throat.

(sadly, I can not find a recording that works well. So... um... try to put a baritone voice with a young girl's voice)

"_The other night, dear,_

_As I lay sleeping."_

"Oh, I know this song!" Dinky said happily.

"Well then join in," I encouraged.

"_I dreamed I held you, in my arms._

_When I awoke, dear,_

_I was mistaken,_

_So I hung my head and cried._

_You are my sunshine,_

_My only sunshine._

_You make me happy_

_When skies are grey._

_You'll never know, dear,_

_How much I love you._

_Please don't take, my sunshine away._

_So let the sunshine in,_

_Face it with a grin._

_Smilers never lose,_

_And frowners never win._

_So let the sunshine in,_

_Face it with a grin._

_Open up your heart and let the sunshine in._

_My mommy told me something,_

_that little foals should know._

_It's all about the devil and I've learn to hate him so._

_I know he'll be unhappy,_

_Cause I'll never wear a frown._

_Maybe if we keep on smiling,_

_He'll get tired of hanging around._

_So let the sunshine in,_

_Face it with a grin._

_Smilers never lose,_

_And frowners never win._

_So let the sunshine in,_

_Face it with a grin._

_Open up your heart and let the sunshine in._

_So let the sunshine in,_

_Face it with a grin._

_Smilers never lose,_

_And frowners never win._

_So let the sunshine in,_

_Face it with a grin._

_Open up your heart and let the sunshine in."_

"Do you feel better Dinky?"

"Yeah," she replied before yawning.

I picked the little filly up with my wings. I walked her to her bed by carrying her with my wings and one foreleg, three-legging my walk. I set her down, pulled her blanket over top of her, and walked out of the room- slowly closing the door so it didn't make very much noise.

When I turned around, there was Derpy, a happy smile on her face.

She nuzzled her head against mine and whispered, "You know, you make a really good father."

"You think?"

She kissed me and pulled back. "I know so."

* * *

**Brony: "Finally done! This is probably the wordiest chapter yet, and I didn't even include a song parody"**

**Pinkie: "Yeah, that doesn't happen very often. Now, what were you going to say before?"**

**Brony: "Oh, I was going to say that with this story I'm posting a new story. Plus, it might star a certain pink pony."**

**Pinkie: "ME?!"**

**Brony: "The one and only... Lotus Blossom!"**

**Pinkie: "Oh..."**

**Brony: "I'm joking, of course it stars you!"**

**Pinkie: "YAY~, what's it about?"**

**Brony: "It's like the Chinese anime Naruto. But since it won't have any of the characters from that show, I won't make it a cross-over. You're gonna be a ninja!"**

**Pinkie: "Ooooh, I love it!"**

**Brony: "Good, also I have a bunch of other ideas for fanfics that I want others to vote to see if they want me to make them or not."**

**Pinkie: "What are they about?"**

**Brony: "Well one is going to be a cross-over with Percy Jackson and the Olympians where you just so happen to be a half sister of Percy's."**

**Pinkie: "Sounds funny. I'm curious on how a pony could be sister to a human."**

**Brony: "That'll be explained."**

**Pinkie: "Lyra would love this."**

**Brony: "Eeyup, anyway another on is a cross-over with Yu-Gi-Oh, an anime that has an entire card game created from it. Though it also will not not have any actual characters from Yu-Gi-Oh, just the cards."**

**Pinkie: "Doesn't star me?"**

**Brony: "No, Pinkie."**

**Pinkie: "Ah Pony-feathers."**

**Brony: "Well these are getting long, so I better finish this up. The final story is a Percy Jackson and the Olympians and a Yu-Gi-Oh cross-over."**

**Pinkie: "It sounds like there's a pattern here."**

**Brony: "Well who asked you. Do you have anything to say to those who read this far down?"**

**Pinkie: "Good night everyone, or good day, or... whatever time of day it is!"**


End file.
